(Nikki Harper) Relationships are not easy. All couples argue, whether they’ve only just met or have been together for decades. Even the most stable couples are still two individual people, who will have different views, wishes and ideas at least some of the time during their relationship. However, new research suggests that the happiest couples tend to argue in a distinct way, which could account for their ongoing happiness.
Related Get to Know the Psychology of Persuasion
by Nikki Harper, November 22nd, 2019
In a study undertaken by the University of Tennessee at Knoxville, researchers discovered that happy couples tend to tackle their easiest problems first [1]. They are then able to ‘bank’ that successful resolution, which eventually may make it easier for them to tackle any more difficult problems they come across.
The study involved two batches of couples – 57 couples in their mid to late thirties who had been together on average for 9 years, and 64 couples in their early 70s, who had been together on average for 42 years. All of the couples had self-defined themselves as happily married.
While all couples in the study ranked intimacy, leisure decisions, household decisions and money as among their most serious problems, they were observed to first focus on arguing out those issues which had the clearest potential solutions [1] – for example, they might argue about how to redistribute household chores, which is something with a clear potential outcome, with one or other partner taking on more or less, depending on the outcome of their argument and negotiation. Another potentially solution-focused argument might be that of how to spend leisure time, which again has a number of clear outcomes which a couple might reach.
By contrast, the couples rarely chose to engage in arguments over more difficult issues, where a clear solution might not be easy to find.
Buy Book A Rulebook for Arguments [Learn to Discern Bad Arguments and Be More Effective in Sharing]
Researchers concluded that by focusing on the arguments with the best potential solutions, these couples were able to ‘bank’ those successful teamwork efforts, which cemented their confidence in the relationship [1]. Couples who frequently fight over very difficult issues, on the other hand, may consistently fail to reach a solution, which over time can undermine their confidence in their own relationship and their ability to work as a team.
Researchers considered that those couples who have successfully banked previous solutions would eventually find that arguing over the more serious issues proved less divisive and more constructive than it might otherwise have been [2].
The study also discovered that those couples who had been together the longest reported fewer serious issues and spent less time arguing overall. Researchers hypothesise that this could be because these couples perceive that their time together may be limited as they get older and that they therefore choose to prioritise their relationship and to pick their battles carefully [1].
This interesting study reminds us that to argue or not in a relationship, over any given issue at any given time, is a choice. We can choose not to have that argument, or we can choose to have it more constructively. By being more aware of the battles we pick and the solutions we’re looking for, we may just be able to strengthen a relationship instead of tearing it apart.
About The Author
Nikki Harper is a spiritualist writer, astrologer, and editor for Wake Up World.
Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?
There are few problems that give rise to arguably all others, one of those is the unintelligent and immature use of your mind, body, and will in relationships with others—dishonorable and immoral behavior. The Deep State know that the way to keep people enslaved is to ensure they’re constantly arguing with each other without hope of finding any meaningful resolution. The preceding information clearly identifies this problem and offers solutions that individuals can use to begin the slow process of gaining wisdom in the skill and art of social harmony. This is arguably some of the most important information that exists. From a purpose of life perspective, the mission of each individual person and social group is carried out through social interaction. When humanity finally learns how to embrace these laws of free will beings, ages of suffering will finally come to a close and an undreamed-of future of prosperity and splendor will descend from the heavens, approaching the dreams of paradise spoken of by prophets of old.
– Justin
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.
Stillness in the Storm Editor’s note: Did you find a spelling error or grammatical mistake? Send an email to [email protected], with the error and suggested correction, along with the headline and url. Do you think this article needs an update? Or do you just have some feedback? Send us an email at [email protected]. Thank you for reading.
Source:
https://wakeup-world.com/2019/11/22/how-to-argue-happily-bank-easy-successes-first/
Leave a Reply