(Amy Debrucque) This type of communication builds a false sense of security.
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by Amy Debrucque, July 11th, 2019
The presence of technology and smartphones has impacted relationships and dating in new and different ways when it comes to improving our communication skills.
Recently, I was interviewed by another writer where we discussed how relationships are approached today and the unspoken fear of meeting a potential partner, face-to-face.
When I was growing up, no one I knew had a cell phone that was carried around and used as one of life’s necessities, especially for meeting people or possibly dating.
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If we wanted to communicate with someone, we called them on the phone or met up in person. And, even with notes being written and passed along (I’m dating myself here), the mere thought of writing full-on conversations as a preferred method of communicating was unheard of.
However, today’s approach to connecting with someone is entirely different. My children’s generation finds it more awkward to have a discussion or meeting face-to-face with a person of interest than to write multiple conversations in text, over the course of weeks and sometimes months with someone they just met.
What?!?
To me, that just seems absurd. If you’re in a relationship, why not just put your smartphone down and make a plan or date to meet up, hang out, or grab a bite? It seems like such a waste of time to go back and forth for weeks and months when you could find out in the first 10 minutes if the relationship is even worth pursuing.
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As my friend and I continued to discuss why this might be, she touched on this simple truth that made complete sense: building relationships through text provides them with a false sense of security and never requires them to pursue something or someone, without taking a risk.
Hmmm…Why take a risk on something when you can just be comfortable, all the time? Anyone can write the perfect words to say when they are intrigued by another. And yet, if disinterest sets in or when you have nothing left to say, you can just turn off your phone or even change your number! How easy is that?
Too easy in my opinion.
The best thing about building new and healthy relationships with others is the risk. The uncertainty of what’s to come is what makes it exciting. Every relationship doesn’t have to be approached as a win or lose.
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Rather, it should be looked at as an opportunity to find what you’re looking for and what you’re not!
Communicating through text doesn’t offer that same raw emotion or connection as does meeting face to face. Words and tones, cannot be interpreted on a screen in the same manner as watching someone’s expression in the delivery of a spoken word.
It’s important for children today to recognize the gains that are made from taking a risk and getting out of their comfort zones. Fearing a relationship might not work out isn’t a reason to hide behind the text.
Conversations are imperative and most times, need to be had. Putting the phones down and lifting our heads up, is when we can accurately assess a relationship worthy of our pursuit.
More “facetime” offers opportunities to build courage, communicate well, and recognize the importance of communication and our spoken voice. It also fuels personal growth and a new level of confidence that could never be duplicated with even spell check!
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Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?
All relationships are founded on communication because what we experience in a relationship is an abstraction. Your friends, your family, your lovers, your spouses are objects in your mind, given meaning by you, the creator of the story that organizes your life. This means that without communication, without the chance to clarify and enhance how we see others, the true benefits and joys of a relationship remain hidden. Communication allows us to update the abstract meanings we use to define those in our lives, also known as forgiveness as well as getting to know another person. Relationships are challenging insofar as personal growth because they compel us to seek social harmony; this requires negotiation founded on honest, transparent, and nonviolent communication. A contract is when two or more people who have common values and desires, join together to pursue the realization of their goals. Thus, a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, is a contract. Contracts are successful for two reasons, 1) because each party agrees to honor their word and perform what they agreed to do, and 2) because proper communication allows people to work together, to renegotiate and change to adapt to life changes and challenges. Without honest communication, a relationship is doomed to suffer an endless wellspring of resentments, misunderstandings, and confusion. The following information discusses the importance of communication in relationships. With this fundamental truth firmly in hand, all relationships can be made better, if one is willing to grow beyond their selfish egoic nature, forming lasting and fulfilling connections in trust with those that align with one’s values.
– Justin
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.
Stillness in the Storm Editor’s note: Did you find a spelling error or grammar mistake? Send an email to [email protected], with the error and suggested correction, along with the headline and url. Do you think this article needs an update? Or do you just have some feedback? Send us an email at [email protected]. Thank you for reading.
Source:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-texting-builds-a-false-sense-of-security-in-relationships/
Texting is not real relationship…!