(Stillness in the Storm Editor) Victimhood is a serious problem on earth. A culture of victimhood encourages the individual to avoid self-growth—the very thing needed to overcome victimization. In the following article, the cost of maintaining victimhood is highlighted, helping one to understand that maintaining a belief you are a victim hurts yourself and others.
One of the reasons we maintain a victim mindset is that it is itself a coping strategy for trauma and fear.
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When we experience something we don’t know how to deal with, it makes us aware of our own lack of strength, power, or capacity to face challenging situations. Regardless of the trigger, when you feel like you don’t know what to do, this indicates self-doubt.
Neurologically, self-doubt triggers the freeze response, which is the most destructive kind of fear. Once a victim mindset takes over, the fear centers of your brain start to label things as fearful—everything starts to become a reminder of your powerlessness. Powerlessness is itself tied to low self-worth because if you have no power you can’t do anything worthwhile.
As a way to compensate for feeling powerless, you’ll start to project responsibility on to others—codependency. You’ll start to believe in various victim scripts and justifications because this at least removes your responsibility from the situation. This way, you don’t feel low self-worth from powerlessness—in this way, victimhood provides a sense of relief.
“I didn’t pass my exam, not because I didn’t study, but because it was too hard.”
“I didn’t get the job, not because I lacked skill, but because the interviewer was a jerk.”
“I can’t the weight and get healthy, not because I didn’t give it a wholehearted effort, but because there’s something wrong with me physically.”
It might sound strange, but the above victim scripts are coping mechanisms. They remove the pressure you place on yourself to do something about a situation you didn’t value.
These are articulated or specified examples of negative core beliefs.
It’s more anxiety-provoking to believe you failed to do something you should be able to do than it is to believe the system was rigged against you.
It allows you to justify a belief you can’t take responsibility. But this false belief you can do nothing costs you dearly. It robs you of the perspective that you can do something about it. And you need to believe you can be proactive to properly deal with the anxiety energy associated with the recognition of personal failure and mistake.
We transcend failure, not by avoiding responsibility, but by seeking to understand how we contributed to the situation. This is a bravery response, as opposed to a freeze response. Bravery, in the face of perceived self-failure, overcomes victimhood. It restores faith in yourself, reducing negative emotions and activating inspiration.
The problem with victimhood is that you blind yourself to the very opportunities you need to regain empowerment. Because “if the system is rigged against me, there’s nothing I can do.”
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The other price of victimhood is socially destructive habits.
If you’re a victim, you fundamentally believe you can’t achieve your goals. This means you’ll naturally expect the people in your life to do this for you. You’ll become codependent and passive assertive. You’ll expect others to meet your needs without asking them directly; and if they don’t, you’ll resent them for it.
This kind of behavior is socially destructive because passive assertiveness is inherently disrespectful, and other people feel that disrespect implicitly.
If you expect someone to do something but never gave them the chance to agree to it, you’re holding them to an unspoken expectation. And when they fail to meet this expectation, you’ll feel upset, you’ll feel unloved, you’ll feel like they don’t care, which leads to passive-aggressiveness.
The passive-aggressiveness is your way of punishing them for not snapping to it and meeting your unspoken needs. This is a personal attack on another’s free will and is one of the most destructive forms of relationship, the same situation that is at work within slavery.
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When you expect someone to do something and don’t give them a chance to agree to it, you’re be treating them like a slave. You’re trying to turn them into your pet, not a partner you respect enough to ask them directly. While we don’t think of it this way, for the other person, this is precisely what is happening. It puts them in a difficult situation.
Either they can accommodate you, and further, entrench a codependent situation or they can reject the passive assertiveness, which causes you to feel unloved. In such situations, compassionately and tactfully pointing out how you were disrespected by a passive assertive request gives the other person a chance to become aware of the cost of victimhood, hopefully encouraging them to take responsibility once again.
The consciousness of victimhood, if not healed and overcome, costs a person dearly. It costs them a sense of power and fulfillment in life. And it costs those around them because of codependency. This often causes those around you to pull away, which makes the victimhood even stronger as you feel the pangs of social isolation. But all of this can be changed very quickly by doing the brave thing to take responsibility for your life.
Various forces on earth intentionally proliferate victimhood culture. But with knowledge comes power.
How have you dealt with victimhood in your own life?
What have you done to change things?
– Justin
by Staff Writer, August 28th, 2019
Have you heard about victim mentality? Do you complain or receive complaints constantly? Do you know what it means to have a victim mentality?
Everyone, at some point in their lives, has assumed the role of the victim in painful or traumatic situations. We’ve felt vulnerable, unprotected, and in need of care and protection. Victimhood culture, or victim mentality, reinforces this by making the person who assumes the role of the victim feel comforted and supported.
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When we’ve experienced the care and protection of the people around us, we discover that it’s a nice sensation to have other people’s attention. We like to feel important and for other people to be constantly watching over us.
Sometimes, when people react this way, they end up developing the identity of chronic victims or a “victimist”. By this, we mean someone who has a victim mentality and who thinks they’re always the victim, not an innocent victim in any given situation.
This identity is wrapped in the culture of victimhood that they find themselves in. People will admire us if we help those in need, even if it means losing oneself in the process. On the contrary, not offering help opens us up to negative social criticism.
It should be noted that chronic victim mentality is not, in itself, an illness classified in the DSM-5, although it could become the psychological foundation for developing a paranoid personality disorder.
What’s the victim’s role in the culture of victim mentality?
Continuous sympathy
While it’s true that we often assume the role of victims when we’re feeling sorry for ourselves, there are certain people who turn that role into a lifestyle. What’s the reason for this? What drives someone to almost enjoy these negative feelings?
The answer is simple: sympathy and getting attention. The sympathy that occurs when a person is a victim causes them to enter a “continuous loop”. I feel bad, they sympathize with me and back me up, and so I keep behaving the way I do.
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The culture of victim mentality: Society’s role
Society plays a key role. According to Giglioli, an expert in comparative literature and author of the book Analysis of the Victim, victimhood is a cultural addition to the social laws that govern our culture. The victimhood culture says that to be seen as a victim is “socially good”, as helping those in need is something that people consider to be a positive attitude.
In the victimhood culture, there’s a certain tendency to bolster that victim’s role with phrases such as: “Poor thing”, “He doesn’t have anyone”, “How can I not help my own mother?”, or “I’d be a bad son or daughter if I didn’t help her”. All of this mixes in with the fear of what others will think of us if we didn’t help the other person.
External control locus
People with victim mentality really believe that everything that happens to them is someone else’s fault or simply life’s circumstances. They think that “I’m just really unlucky” or “Why does everything happen to me?”
This is what’s known as an external locus of control, where someone is incapable of accepting responsibility for their own actions. On the contrary, they always attribute responsibility to external factors that are out of their control.
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The victim mentality and negativism
People with victim mentality tend to exacerbate the things that happen to them. They blow things out of proportion, and this keeps them from seeing the positive side of things. They’re completely focused on the negative, so much so that the good things go unnoticed.
Because of this, their problem-solving strategies are blurred by what’s happening to them. As a result, this keeps them from thinking of possible alternative solutions to their difficulties and taking charge of their lives.
“Optimism is very valuable for a meaningful life. With a firm belief in a positive future, you can redirect your life towards what’s most important.”
-Martin Seligman-
Emotional blackmail as a form of communication
People with a chronic victim mentality try to manipulate the people around them in order to achieve their goals. For this reason, they tend to easily recognize the most empathic people. They focus on them and use that empathy for their own benefit to get what they want.
When that person doesn’t do what they expect, they place them in the role of executioner and themselves as victims. They say things such as:
- “With everything I’ve always done for you, this is the way you repay me?”
- “Leave me alone.”
- “If you don’t do it, then that means you don’t love me.”
All of this makes the other person feel guilty. Simply put, they try to get what they want through emotional blackmail.
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What can I do if I’m faced with a victimist?
Whatever you do, don’t give them what they want. Don’t give in to them. If you do, then that will encourage the victimist to continue in their “role”. If the people around them keep doing “more of the same”, then it’ll just become a vicious cycle. Pandering their needs and giving them the attention they seek will simply maintain, or sometimes boost, the victimist’s attitude.
You need to explain to the chronic victimist the reasons why you’re changing your behavior towards them and that you’re trying to help them come out of their comfort zone. In this way, the victimist may understand the reasons for that change in you and also the benefits they’ll receive. It boils down to this: “When I don’t help you and give you what you want, I’m actually helping you”.
Keep an emotional distance. Being surrounded by such negative people will wear you out. You need to protect yourself and set limits because your well-being is important too.
Alternative actions
You can suggest possible alternative actions they could take:
- “What can you do differently to what you’ve done so far?”
- “What part of the blame can you accept?”
- “Are you willing to accept that you have an active role in what happens to you and that not everything is the result of bad luck or other people?”
Don’t get too involved if that person doesn’t want to change. Remember that you can’t sacrifice your own life in order to please someone. It’s important to offer them our understanding and our care but that doesn’t mean sacrificing our well-being.
Remember that you’re not the guilty one. Guilt is one of the victim’s main weapons. It’s common for the other person to feel guilty when they don’t fulfill the victimist’s wishes. Remember that they’re using your guilt to try to get what they want.
Learn to say “no”. When you’re not willing to do something, then say “no” in a kind way but clearly and firmly. Don’t give them too many excuses because the victimist can use them against you.
Urge them to seek help from a professional. In the case of people with a chronic victim mentality, we recommend they get psychological assistance from a specialized professional who can really help them.
As you can see, the culture of victimhood leads us to often renounce our desires and needs in order to help others. It’s important for us to be aware of this in order for us to protect ourselves and encourage change in the person who assumes the victim role.
Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?
Psychology is the study of the nature of mind. Philosophy is the use of that mind in life. Both are critically important to gain an understanding of as they are aspects of the self. All you do and experience will pass through these gateways of being. The preceding information provides an overview of this self-knowledge, offering points to consider that people often don’t take the time to contemplate. With the choice to gain self-awareness, one can begin to see how their being works. With the wisdom of self-awareness, one has the tools to master their being and life in general, bringing order to chaos through navigating the challenges with the capacity for right action.
– Justin
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.
Stillness in the Storm Editor’s note: Did you find a spelling error or grammar mistake? Send an email to [email protected], with the error and suggested correction, along with the headline and url. Do you think this article needs an update? Or do you just have some feedback? Send us an email at [email protected]. Thank you for reading.
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