The Struggle with a Judgemental Ideal: Creating Monsters in Your Mind vs Embracing the Hero Within

(Stillness in the Storm Editor) For some time, psychologists have known that an ideal has the power to inspire as well as to judge. An ideal is something we subjectively recognize as valuable, something we want to promote, further, and bring into the world for our benefit. For example, when you want to get fit and healthy, you envision an ideal version of yourself that sets the bench march of your success. When you feel like you’re making satisfying steps forward, you feel emotionally rewarded—you feel good and inspired. But if you don’t meet your expectations, this ideal can feel like a bitter reminder of your shortcomings. Hence, an ideal has the power to judge, which can either be cruel or uplifting, depending on how we respond to moments of self-evaluation.

In the following short video, Dr. Jordan Peterson discusses this concept of a judgemental ideal within the male experience of pursuing women they like, desire, or love. But the core concepts he presents are applicable to both all people and transcend dating.

Of course, the fact we have to contend with feeling judged by others in romantic settings is something both men and women experience. We all have to face situations where we’re being sized up, judged, qualified, evaluated, measured, or critiqued by others—such is the social reality we inhabit.

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In such situations, the fear of rejection or social ostracism can be overwhelming. And we can be tempted to devalue others or their views about us in an effort to escape the disquiet and discomfort that comes with recognizing our shortcomings. But in a reality where all are compelled to better themselves, the fact is we can’t escape self-reflection. As matter of fact, when we reject or are resistant to something we know to be true deep down, our mind has the power to create a villian-messenger, one who we feel justified in rejecting so the truth they offer can also be avoided.

Mythologically, Medusa is symbolically representative of the human experience of cowardice in the face of a judgemental ideal.

When we refuse to accept the opportunity for self-reflection, self-growth, and humility that comes from others or the world, the source of this critique is villainized, turned into a monster. And we become paralyzed with fear in the face of that monster. This means Medusa is more than just a mythical monster from Greecian antiquity, something to be dismissed in modern times as non-sense. Medusa is a symbol, an allegory that describes an aspect of human experience, expressed in fable, myth or story so that the deeper meaning can be understood by all. This is what a parable or allegory is for—to initiate the unaware into wisdom and truth.

It might not be apparent what we’re discussing here so I will take a moment to describe it in full detail.

Firstly, we need to understand some fundamentals of how your brain works. Your brain is designed to see things in terms of either tools or obstacles. For instance, if you want to leave work early one day, anything that gets in the way of that goal will feel like an obstacle, whereas anything that contributes to that goal feels like a tool to help you realize your goal.

When the brain recognizes an obstacle or sees things as obstacles, this generates negative emotions. Conversely, when you see something like a tool for getting what you want, you feel excited and uplifted, generating positive emotions. Both emotional responses are meant to help motivate you to do something, to act.

The more ancient part of us, what I call the animal mind, is designed to generate aggression when an obstacle to our values and desires is in our path. This aggressive response changes our perception of the thing we’re looking at or observing, transforming it into a “monster” that we have to contend with. When we respond with bravery and courage, the “monster” appears to us as conquerable, or surmountable. When we respond with cowardice, the “monster” grows bigger, stronger, and more terrifying.

The object, in reality, is unchanged, but our perception of it changes depending on our response.

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We’ve all experienced this before, although you might not have noticed how easily and powerfully your mind changes your perception when this happens. For instance, what happens when you discover you’re going to be late for work while driving in traffic? All of a sudden, you go from feeling like you have enough time, and there’s no rush, to being stressed that you might be late. The cars in traffic next to you go from other commuters on their way to work to obstacles, to hurdles in your path that you need to push through. In that moment, especially if you respond with strong anxiety, the other cars can feel like they’re pressing in around you.

Let’s consider another example that hits closer to home.

In a relationship, your partner is obviously someone you desire, love and value—one would hope anyway. But your love for them can quickly turn to anger and upset in a flash. Let’s say, you come home from running errands to discover your significant other is fuming mad about a dish you left in the sink the night before. Now, their anger, upsert, and intolerance become an obstacle to your ability to love them the way you want. And in that space of heated anger an upset, your partner can feel like a monster, like they’ve transformed into a werewolf. For many, this experience is often jarring and unsettling. In such situations, if we respond with more rejection and refusal, we defend our inner child with rage and wrath, the feeling like our partner has transformed into a cruel monster can be overwhelming, to such an extent, we might not be able to see them as who they truly are until we’ve forgiven them.

Thus, our partner or other life challenges, wherein we have to face a situation we didn’t want to or didn’t anticipate, can become much harder to deal with if we respond with anything less than bravery.

I frankly find this fascinating. How is it that facing our fears turns a monster into a mouse? How is it that avoiding the truth of a judgemental ideal turns that source of that truthful judgment into a monster, something we might justify destroying to protect our false sense of pride?

In closing, the moral to the story of Medusa is that the best response to a judgemental ideal is to embrace the opportunity for self-improvement and growth.

Fear, at a deep level, is how we respond to the unknown. When we don’t know about something, either in the world or about ourselves, the brain is designed to make us more alert and sensitive, so we can gain knowledge to behave in response to that unknown in a beneficial way. Rejecting what our brain is trying to make us aware of is what distorts our perception, turning an opportunity for growth (a fear) into a monster seeking to destroy us (paralyzing mind-altering fear).

But if we consider what happens when we face a fear, it makes sense that our refusal to gain wisdom feels like a personal attack. Because the truth is destructive. Our identity, our sense of self, comes from our beliefs and values. Thus, an unknown, properly received and integrated, is always self-destructive, or more truly stated, self-transformative. The tragedy comes when we fail to accept the realities of life, that we cannot avoid self-change, and if we try to, we turn the world of unknowns, the truth, into a realm of demons and monsters. But to be clear, this perceived world of demons is one of our own making.

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Can you really reject the truth? Not really. When we try to reject the truth the only way for us to do this is to distort our own minds in an effort to blind us to what is. I would argue, this is what the allegory of Medusa is telling us.

In my own experience, the more I indulge in cowardice, the more my life feels like it’s filled with monsters that want to get me, that there are obstacles to my fulfillment all around me. But when I bravely accept the truth, especially about myself, the intense negative feelings are replaced with inspiration and new energy of growth. This, I would say, is the power of accepting the truth, no matter how unacceptable it might seem. Because when we do, we give our selves the chance to grow stronger in response, activating our true potential.

In this way, one of the most valuable skills in life is to learn how to face fear by recognizing you are about to be transformed into a better version of yourself in the act of doing so.

 – Justin

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Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?

Psychology is the study of the nature of mind. Philosophy is the use of that mind in life. Both are critically important to gain an understanding of as they are aspects of the self. All you do and experience will pass through these gateways of being. The preceding information provides an overview of this self-knowledge, offering points to consider that people often don’t take the time to contemplate. With the choice to gain self-awareness, one can begin to see how their being works. With the wisdom of self-awareness, one has the tools to master their being and life in general, bringing order to chaos through navigating the challenges with the capacity for right action.

– Justin

Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.

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