(Stillness in the Storm Editor) Miscommunication is arguably one of the most problematic aspects of human life. A well known truism is that most of communication is non-verbal, implicit in our body language and facial expressions. Context is critical for valid and meaningful communication. In the age of texting, the miscommunication problem has exploded, often because we can forget to properly provide context. Given this, here is a short article discussing things you shouldn’t send through text. The point is not necessarily to instill fear, but to encourage you to consider carefully the kind of things you decided to communicate through text, taking steps to ensure you present your thoughts clearly so as to avoid unnecessary conflict.
– Justin
Related Admitting Your Grievances Against Your Partner: Your Best Hope For Healing Your Relationship
by Tina Gilbertson, June 28th, 2018
Avoid these common texting mistakes that hurt relationships.
Have you ever sent a text you wished you could take back? Or have you ever received a text that confused you, hurt you, or made you angry? If you have, you may understand how texting can be a risky framework for building relationships.
Face-to-face is where relationships live and thrive, so, as a rule of thumb, try to save the important stuff for face-to-face conversations. Here are eight specific things to avoid when texting:
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1. Complaints.
“I told you not to text me during finals.” or, “You should be nicer to my parents.” Because your recipient can’t hear your voice, they have no idea just how big a deal an issue is to you. Does it warrant a breakup? Are you only mildly annoyed? Or are you just playing?
2. Insults.
“I knew I could count on you to be late,” or, “Typical male response.” Insults, like complaints, aren’t any more fun to read than they are to hear, and they can be confusing. Also, you might regret what you said later when you’ve had more time to think about it. When it comes to negativity over texts, just don’t.
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3. Explanations and apologies.
“I was so tired, I wasn’t thinking straight.” “I thought you’d appreciate having the tickets ahead of time.” Such explanations may be too complex for text. You won’t do yourself any favors by writing instead of talking. Instead, try, “I owe you an apology. Can we meet tonight?” Then take all the time you need to say it in person.
4. Questions about the other person’s behavior.
“Why didn’t you text me back yesterday?” or “R u mad at me?” Give the person a chance to explain without relying on their thumbs. Meet face to face, or at least voice to voice, before asking the question.
5. Bombshells.
“I think we should see other people,” or, “They found a lump.” Even positive big news like, “I think I love you,” is best dropped in person or at least in real time. Most people dislike getting bombshells via text and might think less of you for doing it.
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6. Heavy topics.
Texting wasn’t intended to be a substitute for serious conversations about heavy topics like child custody issues, IRS audits, health problems, etc. Wait for, or create, a face-to-face opportunity to discuss these.
7. Private information.
Credit card numbers, naked photos — anything you wouldn’t want to see posted all over the Internet should not be texted either. Hackers (or future exes) could gain access to your messages without your knowledge or permission.
8. Secrets.
“J. doesn’t know that M. and C. are dating behind D. and N.’s backs,” or “Betsy is such a klepto.” As above, always assume the chance that your message could end up in front of the wrong pair of eyes. Avoid risk. Just don’t.
The Courage Not to Text
No matter how many posts you read about what not to send in a text, you might still end up typing things you shouldn’t. Why does it happen? Many people are uncertain how to handle difficult conversations in person. Texting offers a feeling of safety and distance: You don’t have to look into the other person’s eyes and figure out how to respond from moment to moment.
If this describes you, it might help you to know that most of us have trouble with difficult conversations. Handling a topic flawlessly is not the point. The point is to show up and be open to floundering around a bit with someone who really matters to you.
About The Author
Tina Gilbertson, LPC, is a counselor and workshop leader, and the author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them. Check out her Breakup Guide.
Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?
All relationships are founded on communication because what we experience in a relationship is an abstraction. Your friends, your family, your lovers, your spouses are objects in your mind, given meaning by you, the creator of the story that organizes your life. This means that without communication, without the chance to clarify and enhance how we see others, the true benefits and joys of a relationship remain hidden. Communication allows us to update the abstract meanings we use to define those in our lives, also known as forgiveness as well as getting to know another person. Relationships are challenging insofar as personal growth because they compel us to seek social harmony; this requires negotiation founded on honest, transparent, and nonviolent communication. A contract is when two or more people who have common values and desires, join together to pursue the realization of their goals. Thus, a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, is a contract. Contracts are successful for two reasons, 1) because each party agrees to honor their word and perform what they agreed to do, and 2) because proper communication allows people to work together, to renegotiate and change to adapt to life changes and challenges. Without honest communication, a relationship is doomed to suffer an endless wellspring of resentments, misunderstandings, and confusion. The following information discusses the importance of communication in relationships. With this fundamental truth firmly in hand, all relationships can be made better, if one is willing to grow beyond their selfish egoic nature, forming lasting and fulfilling connections in trust with those that align with one’s values.
– Justin
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.
Stillness in the Storm Editor’s note: Did you find a spelling error or grammar mistake? Send an email to [email protected], with the error and suggested correction, along with the headline and url. Do you think this article needs an update? Or do you just have some feedback? Send us an email at [email protected]. Thank you for reading.
Source:
https://www.yourtango.com/2018314736/8-things-you-should-never-say-through-texting
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