(Stillness in the Storm Editor) I found this article interesting because it highlights the subtle effects of doing things—in this case watching porn—on our consciousness. These effects can make us feel inadequate and dissatisfied because of they tend to form unconscious beliefs if left unprocessed. This suggests that there is a way to go about life so we feel profoundly satisfied and spiritual nourished. This way is the way of tantra, which is not just about having good sex.
In our egocentric world, we tend to focus only on the fruit of our labors, the effects, the orgasm, and discount all the rest. But consciousness doesn’t work that way, it acknowledges everything, albeit in a subtle way. For example, certain kinds of foods stimulate the body so much that we become enraptured by eating them. That is to say, consuming a food can be so pleasurable we lose internal balance, and this causes us to yearn for more in an unhealthy way. I call this a consciousness state of lack or wanting, which of course leads to desires that seek to fill the hole.
So what if the way we think about sex in modern times is the same? What if we are training ourselves to feel inadequate and empty, which then causes us to yearn for satisfaction—usually in a self-destructive way?
Considering that marketing in general is based on the premise of convincing people they need something by making them feel inadequate, I suspect that a great deal of media, pornography included, has this unsettling effect on our beingness.
As an exercise, do a simple 15-minute meditation focusing on a feeling of wholeness and gratitude—that everything we are experiencing now is perfectly satisfying and that we need nothing. If properly done, this should make us feel the opposite of inadequate, we’ll feel content, and from this place, we don’t need things. Now expose yourself to something that is intensely pleasurable and see how you feel afterward. Do you yearn for more? Do you feel as blissfully content and at peace as you did after the meditation?
Buy Book Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition
For myself, I noticed that certain activities tend to cause a loss of equilibrium in my consciousness and that if I wasn’t careful, this feeling of lack and wanting would manipulate my desires from behind the scenes. I’d find myself becoming more impulsive, reactionary and less happy in general all from indulging in an activity without invoking a consciousness of balance first. Food, in particular, especially unhealthy, intentionally designed addictive foods, had the most impact on my equanimity. And I suspect that this effect of causing wanting or lack is experienced by others as well, which explains why there are so many addictive tendencies in our world today.
Tantric sex isn’t just about having a good orgasm, it’s about integrating our whole beingness into a stimulating yet balanced form of expression, which we could extend to all areas of life, not just sex. Sex has become a taboo topic in our world, which by nature of consciousness means it causes a split in our personalities—cognitive dissonance. People tend to present a self-image complete with desires that are not in harmony only with their sexual self. And some of us have been so traumatized with the topic of sex, our sexual selves are almost completely suppressed, which leads to all manner of psychological issues.
To know thyself is to gain freedom from that which remains hidden. As Carl Jung said,
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung
Tantra (Sanskrit: तन्त्र), also called Tantrism and Tantricreligion, is an ancient Indian tradition of beliefs and meditation and ritual practices that seeks to channel the divine energy of the macrocosm or godhead into the human microcosm, to attain siddhis and moksha.
| Know Thyself. |
by Katrina Bos
What if studying tantra could heal our addiction to Porn? What if tapping into our natural abilities to experience ecstasy changes everything?
I was really nervous when I first realized that I wanted to teach Tantra. What would people think? Would they be offended? Talking about sex is such a no-no. I live in a very small conservative community, how was this going to work?
But then a good friend said to me, “Do you realize what you’re offering people? Tantra is essentially the OPPOSITE of porn.” Once I realized this, I never looked back!
Porn is a funny thing. Despite some opinions, I believe that it isn’t inherently evil. Lots of people truly enjoy watching porn, including many couples who use it together to have a new experience. Yet it is seemingly undeniable that there are some real dark sides to porn.
Besides the obvious violence and anything involving children, there are much more insidious issues:
1) What We Look Like Is EverythingPorn focuses on being stimulated through the body. And so we are subconsciously told that sexuality depends on what your body looks like. You must be young, fit, have perky breasts and a large penis, otherwise you can’t be a good lover. And ironically this sets up a huge self-worth issue in everyone, particularly those who don’t see themselves as young, fit and perky. And for the ones that do, they still quite often don’t see themselves as perky or big enough. Ultimately, no one leaves happy with themselves.
Related Why This Man Stopped Watching Porn Gives Us All Something To Consider
2) It’s All About Successfully Pleasuring The OtherPorn focuses on pleasing the other. Now obviously there is some part of us deep down that knows that the desire to please our partner is actually a wonderful thing. But that isn’t usually how it comes across in porn. It comes across as the only thing that is important. That bringing the other person to orgasm is the only goal. And what’s wrong with that you ask? Well it is the message that our unconscious receives, that this is the only goal of lovemaking. That if you can’t bring your partner to orgasm, then there is no point in making love. We end up with things like performance anxiety on both the giver and the receiver side.
3) Connection & Intimacy Aren’t ImportantPorn has nothing to do with connection. It is simply a series of physical events that two people do together. There is no connection or intimacy. And this isn’t always bad, sometimes a round of rockin’ porn sex can be fun, but again it sends programming to our subconscious that this is what sex is about. That the connection doesn’t matter and it’s just about getting off.
4) This Is All We Are Capable OfThe worst part of it is that porn makes us believe that this is all that there is. We think that we know what sex is all about and that porn just plays the edge of it, which is what is so titillating. But it isn’t true.
THE TRUTH IS that we as humans are using maybe 5% of our sexual abilities. It’s like having a piano where we think that there are only 10 keys. So we get really good at playing chopsticks. But the truth is that there are 88 keys and we can actually play phenomenal mind-blowing music. But we just didn’t know.
Porn deepens the belief that chopsticks is all that there is. So we just play it edgier and edgier so that hearing it still interests us. But we are missing the boat.
So how does Tantra change all this?
It shows us the other 78 keys on the piano, and then teaches us how to play.
1) We Are So Much More Than Our Physical Bodies
The sexiest part of us isn’t our physicality. A truly sensual person has a presence about them that is absolutely captivating and enthralling. They can look at you and gently touch you in a way that will leave you spellbound. They will bring you into their inner quiet where you will breathe and touch each other sending chills and orgasms throughout your bodies. What their body looks like is quite irrelevant.
2) Pleasuring Is Greater When It Is MutualWe are energetic beings as well as physical. When we are touching our partner, if we are really present and enjoying the feel of our partner’s skin, they will sense this. Your touch will be different than if you are just doing it in order to please them. When you are truly in the moment, there is an electricity that comes out your fingers (or other sexy parts) that permeates your partner’s entire body. As your partner’s body responds to this, this pleasure cycles back to you, and the giver and the receiver roles start to become blurred. There is just simply pleasure being shared regardless of who is doing what.
3) Connection Is EverythingWe are DESIGNED to connect with each other on a very deep level. Human beings do not do well without feeling deep connection. We call it “neediness” and “being desperate” when someone is feeling disconnected. But it’s really just because deep down we know that we are capable of phenomenal connection. And when we feel this amazing connection, things in our lives just get better. Depression lifts. We don’t feel as anxious. We notice the joys in life. We appreciate each other. We feel a level of content and happiness that we just don’t experience when we are all alone.
In tantra, this connection comes first. This is the foundation of all the sexual play. It’s like you first have to “plug in” to each other before the energy can flow. And so there is real intention to drop our guards and allow each other inside to truly connect and experience each other.
So porn won’t go away, but for many, the addiction can fade, because once you start experiencing the opposite side, your true potential, true intimacy and the sexual experiences that we are designed to have, the porn can’t own you. It just doesn’t come close to comparing to the experiences you’ve had.
I mean, once you’ve driven a Mazerati, driving a child’s push car just doesn’t compare.
Related Sex and Meditation: How to Unblock Your Sexual Energy to Increase Orgasm and Intimacy
Related The Science of Stress, Orgasm and Creativity: How the Brain and the Vagina Conspire in Consciousness
About the Author
Katrina Bos
Katrina Bos has been studying and practicing Tantra for over 10 years… Her greatest AHA moment came when she realized that this was actually our natural ability… That we are designed to be THIS intimate and experience such incredible pleasure!! Her goal is to de-mystify this ancient teaching and share it with everyone!! Because it is truly how we are made… And we all deserve to feel that kind of pleasure, happiness and connection!! She founded Fusion Tantra where she offers courses online, workshops and retreats all around the world.
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A minor grammar error was corrected in the original text of this article.
Source:
http://energyfanatics.com/2016/07/28/using-tantra-sex-to-increase-sexual-energy-intimacy/
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