(The Babylon Bee) At The Babylon Bee, we take your health seriously. So, we hired a doctor who was sitting in the gutter outside our California offices. He even had a lab coat and that big disc thing on top of his head. He also had a card that said “I am a real doctor.” Anyway, he warned us about these ten variants that are hitting the U.S. soon:
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by The Babylon Bee, August 11th, 2021
1. The Biden Variant – Causes the infected to babble like a senile old man and wander around aimlessly.
2. The Fauci Variant – Causes the infected to say contradictory statements every other sentence. Also diarrhea.
3. The Last Jedi Variant – Promises to be extremely deadly, then subverts your expectations and is really disappointing.
4. The Inverted Tombstone Piledriver Variant – Flips you upside down and backward then drives your skull into the mat from the top rope. Also diarrhea.
5. The AOC Variant – Causes a drop in intelligence but will slightly improve your dance moves.
6. The Lambda Complex Variant – This variant may trigger a resonance cascade scenario, causing our world to be invaded by aliens from the planet Xen. Also, the infected can’t count to 3.
7. COVID 1619 – Experts claim this variant was actually founded in 1619 by racist white men. Causes white supremacy and colorblindness. Also vomiting.
8. The Updog Variant – This one is really serious. Go ask your dad what it is.
9. The Kamala Harris Variant – This one causes you to start laughing at inappropriate times.
10. The Snyder Variant – Symptoms last twice as long as the original COVID-19. An interesting variant, although ultimately still a bit of a mess.
Stay home, stay safe! Forever!
Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?
The news is important to all people because it is where we come to know new things about the world, which leads to the development of more life goals that lead to life wisdom. The news also serves as a social connection tool, as we tend to relate to those who know about and believe the things we do. With the power of an open truth-seeking mind in hand, the individual can grow wise and the collective can prosper.
– Justin
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.
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Source:
https://babylonbee.com/news/here-are-ten-new-variants-you-should-be-super-worried-about
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