(Exploring Your Mind) You don’t obtain a respectful and lasting kind of love with only a couple of months of effort. In fact, your love must be watered every day.
Related Affection Ambivalence: When Love and Hate Coexist
by Staff Writer, April 2nd, 2022
“I want a real love that never runs out. A love that doesn’t take things for granted, that doesn’t make me cry, but brings me genuine affection and eternal hugs “.
Undoubtedly, we all want a relationship with these characteristics. However, we often forget the essential fact that relationships must be worked on every day. Indeed, affection doesn’t feed on emptiness or absence, it needs a genuine presence in order to grow.
Love is a thread that unites two hearts. Two lives that need a light to see each other and an inner strength to stay together. Without these, there’s no essence, and without essence the thread breaks.
Often, when you’ve been in a relationship for a certain time, an enemy appears. It’s called routine. It’s characterized by taking things for granted. The “No need to do or say that because they already know” appears, or “I’m sure they won’t mind because I know they love me” or “It doesn’t matter how much time has passed because our feelings haven’t changed”.
These are the wrong ideas to have as love never takes things for granted. In fact, even mature love has doubts sometimes and it needs daily displays of affection, words, and gestures to build reciprocity and authenticity. Let’s take a closer look.
Love needs a specific language
Love, like life, changes and transforms. Therefore, a relationship goes through different stages, and every stage has its own needs. However, affection is always the same and must be offered through a particular language.
There’s a language inscribed in love that everyone understands. It’s that desire and enthusiasm that continues to illuminate the eyes, longing for caresses and seeking closeness.
It’s quite possible that today’s passion is no longer the same as it was at first. Nevertheless, this is a deeper phase, where tenderness and complicity take over, but the same love and same need continue to exist. They must be taken care of every day.
What happens when love isn’t looked after?
If you don’t look after your love on a daily basis, you’ll experience deficiencies and doubts. This emotional detachment isn’t necessarily due to a lack of love but, to the fact of settling into a stage where, for one of you, “it’s enough to be present”, without the need to contribute, pay attention to, and take care of the little things in the relationship.
As a matter of fact, one of the main problems in couple relationships is that one of the members needs more displays of affection and attention than the other. In effect, there’s a kind of emotional dissonance that, if not addressed or not taken into account, can cause problems.
A common enemy when a relationship reaches this point is the appearance of reverse empathy. It’s based on imitating the ‘negative’ behavior of your partner to get their attention and hurt them. For example, if they forget to call you or leave the dinner table without saying a word, you might decide to ‘pay them back’ by disappearing for the weekend.
These are harmful and nonconstructive behaviors that don’t lead anywhere. Because a problem is never solved by another problem. In fact, the shortcomings that you feel must be expressed out loud, so you’re both aware of them.
Complicit love and reciprocity
It’s not always easy to find a love that fits your own particularities, flaws, and idiosyncrasies. The most important thing is to find a love that fits your values. One in which you can both grow, as a couple, and individually.
I want a love where we’re not adversaries, where one isn’t always the winner and the other the loser. I want to dance under the stars and, as the years go by, know that everything we’ve lived through, everything that’s past, was worth it.
A relationship that isn’t ‘watered’ and attended to every day, is a relationship that isn’t nurtured and ends up irretrievably wilting. Therefore, it’s necessary to take into account these simple guidelines.
Understand the way your partner expresses their love for you
Sometimes, you feel the need for your partner to show you their love in the way that you want and expect.
Nevertheless, just because they don’t tell you every day that they love you, doesn’t mean that they don’t. Even though they don’t agree with everything you say doesn’t mean that they’re not taking your views into account. Learn to value their complicity, support, and authenticity. The language of love remains the same despite the fact that each of you uses different words. It’s enough to know, understand, and appreciate each other.
Every act, every word, and every gesture must be genuine
There are certain daily gestures in which affection is always explicit. However, they must be genuine.
Love shouldn’t be forced. It shouldn’t be shown in a perfunctory manner with constant “I love yous” or weekly gifts. In fact, complicity, surprise, unexpected gestures, and sincere hugs are all preferable to a routine where words have lost their essence.
Love isn’t only wanting, it’s understanding. It’s being present and giving happiness.
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