Anxiety V. Fear Depression V. Sadness (Healthy Grieving)

(Barbara H Whitfield) Using the word “Anxiety” is the code word for “fear.” Anxiety doesn’t move – it is frozen fear. Anxiety serves Big Pharma because Anti-anxiety drugs are supposed to numb us out to our Fear. But nothing moves. It is frozen.

Related This is the Great Awakening: It’s Happening Right Now

by Barbara H Whitfield R, September 12th, 2021

Allowing ourselves to call this gut feeling “Fear”
Melts the anxiety and puts us in the now – not the past or the future.
We stay with what we are feeling, and soon
We begin to feel Alive!

Depression doesn’t move – it is frozen sadness
Multiplied by fear of feeling sad, of allowing ourselves to actually
Authentically grieve.
Allowing ourselves to call what we feel – “grieving”
Melts the depression and puts us in the now – not the past or the future
We stay with what we are feeling
And soon we start to understand what we are feeling
And with that is a new friendly feeling called “movement.”

And over time it will move
To aliveness first
Then “bittersweet.”
And eventually “resolution.”
(which to me means that if this is about the loss of a loved one–
The ache will always be there
And we get used to it,
It’s the living memory of our loved one that we carry in our hearts.)

Now, being real with ourselves in this present moment, we can allow
For other “real feelings” to come in-
Like happiness and joy
Even tranquility and peace.
And for many who have “awakened” during this process,
A new sense of what some call “God, Spirit, Higher Self.”

Age Regression

Many ask us about age regressions, although they don’t have a name for it yet. They tell us something powerful happens to them when they suddenly feel upset, confused and scared, like a helpless young little child. There may be no apparent cause for it but they feel scared, anxious and sad, unable to think. It can feel as though one minute we are an adult feeling okay, and in a matter of seconds we feel like an out-of-control and helpless little person.

Has anything like that ever happened to you?

This can become the perfect time to start working on the automatic withdrawal of our adult self into a blubbering out-of-control child.

We can begin to heal ourselves around such an age regression when one happens by beginning to observe our inner life and what is happening around us.

As we heal our Child Within, we can discover that age regression is actually a healing gift in disguise.

There is usually a trigger that initiates the rapid sequence of age regression. The trigger may be any of a number of possibilities, including—

⦁ Any mistreatment or abandonment by anyone
⦁ Any negative message from anyone
⦁ Any form of invalidation
⦁ Anything that reminds us of any of the above.

We can age regress at any time, in any place, for any reason. Immediately after the triggering event, we may suddenly feel the following rapid sequence

⦁ Fear
⦁ Hurt
⦁ Shame
⦁ Guilt
⦁ Anger
⦁ Confusion
⦁ Disorientation

…And end up feeling dysfunctional and out of control, almost like we want to scream. But our Child feels too weak even for that, so it may want jut to go into hiding.

When age regression continues to wound us repeatedly, with no healing around it, we may remain paralyzed, confused and dysfunctional and our Child Within stays in hiding.

When we recognize it and heal it, age regression can be a great factor in our healing and well-being.

Processing the Experience
As soon as possible, talk about it with a safe person. This is why, when convenient, it can be helpful to bring a safe person with us when we visit—or when an unsafe person visits us. If there is no one to talk with, perhaps we can call a friend or write down what happened and how it felt, and then talk it over with a safe person later. Even later we can talk about it some more. This is a great healing opportunity, and it can be most helpful to talk it over with our therapist, therapy group, or other safe people.

It is helpful eventually to work through what happened and how it felt during the age regression in a deeper and experiential way. Some techniques to facilitate this include telling our story, doing anger bat work, writing and reading (to a safe person) an unmailed letter, family sculpture, gestalt techniques and any creative technique.

Then consider the levels of meaning that the age regression may have for us. For example:

Level 1—I was mistreated in the past.

2—I am being mistreated now.

3—I don’t want to be mistreated

anymore.

4—I’m going to set firm boundaries and

limits in this relationship.

5—I’m going to take a break from or

possibly even leave this relationship if

the mistreatment continues.

6—I can get free of this unnecessary pain

and suffering.

7―I consider any core issues associated with it. (see Whitfield C, 2012. Wisdom to Know the Difference: CORE ISSUES

in Relationships, Recovery, and Living, Muse House Press, Atlanta, Georgia)

8—I am learning and growing from my awareness of this age regression.

9—By using it, I am healing my True Self (Child Within).

People sometimes may feel as if they are being mistreated without looking at their own role in the mistreatment. Or they may be mistreating their partner, such as intruding on their partner’s boundaries without realizing it. They may not realize how their words or behavior may be invading their partner’s boundaries in a sometimes subtle way.

We recognize these triggers as they come up for us. By doing so, we can then avoid situations where we may anticipate they will happen. Finally, we can use all of the above constructively. We can begin to 1) recognize and heal any future age regressions, 2) avoid or minimize contact with people who do triggering behaviors, 3) protect our Child Within, 4) stop blaming ourselves, and 5) bring the previously unconscious core issues that we encounter in our life more into our full awareness.

Further Meanings

When approached in a conscious, self-caring way, age regressions can be healing since they get us in touch with our past unhealed hurts, losses and traumas and our core issues. We heal ourselves in this way in a safe environment. If we are continually exposed to mistreatment, we can heal an age regression in a safe place such as individual counseling, a therapy group, or a similar support group. For some people, age regressions may be associated with panic attacks, and the above steps can be helpful in handling many panic attacks.

Age regression is a sudden decompensation that is triggered by a hurt that is nearly always due to an actual or a possible boundary invasion and is often associated with one or more core issues. It occurs commonly among adult children of unhealthy families and in people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Three Kinds of Age Regression and Projection

In recovery, we discover that there are three kinds of age regression.

1) The first is the most common as described above, wherein we end up with a paralyzed or passive state and feeling.

2) The second kind may have the same triggers and feelings, but we become much more upset and active. For example, we may throw a temper tantrum, at times even verbally attacking someone close to us. Or we may express pain by crying and even some shaking or contorting of our body. This second kind is often called abreaction.

3) The third type is a “therapeutic” variety of age regression, wherein either one or a combination of the above two types occurs during the normal and constructive course of a group or individual therapy. In this type in a safe and supportive environment, we can heal more easily, although if we are with safe others outside of a therapeutic context we can also heal to some extent.

Projection: All three of these kinds of age regression can result from and generate more conflict and thus become a part of the core issue of difficulty handling conflict. But we can use the occurrence of both the age regression and the conflict to help us go deeper into our pain and to heal. This intense feeling of conflict is a part of the phenomenon and defense against emotional pain known as transference or projection, which can be experienced in at least three situations:

1. With anyone with whom I am in the current conflict.
2. With what the current conflict reminds me of (this is a deeper level that addresses past unfinished hurts.)
3. With what old tapes or messages I may be playing in my own mind about all of this. (This is a deeper level, and a way that I may often beat myself up.)

To heal age regression, we need to have safe, close people to assist us. Learning about age regression opens doors to the richness and opportunities that lie deep within our inner life, and it helps us begin to sort out each of our core issues. While age regression may be either dramatic or subtle, another form of boundary distortion that is usually subtle, though common, is a complex defense mechanism called projective identification. (See Whitfield C, 1993. Chapter 6 of Boundaries and Relationships. Health Communications, Inc Deerfield Bch, Florida.)

If one or more of our family members are not safe for us, we can choose not to visit them anymore or to visit them less often, or to limit or modify any time we might spend with them. We can choose to set any boundaries and limits that might be most healing for our Child Within.

 

Whitfield B The Natural Soul Soon available at Stillness in the Store

Books 

Book AFGEs: A Guide to Self-Awareness and Change

Book Wisdom to Know the Difference: Core Issues in Relationships, Recovery and Living

About The Authors

Charles L Whitfield MD
Barbara H Whitfield RT

The Whitfields have authored and co-authored 24 books on healing from trauma and other problems in living. Dr. Whitfield is a retired associate professor of medicine and psychiatry at two medical schools. Barbara was a medical school psych researcher studying the after-effects of near-death and other spiritually transformative experiences. They each taught at the Rutger’s Institute of Alcohol and Drug Studies for a total of 34 years. They have a private practice helping trauma survivors in individual and group psychotherapy in Atlanta, Georgia.

Visit www.barbara-whitfield.com for more of their excellent work. 

Books by Barbara H Whitfield RT and Charles L Whitfield MD

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Psychology is the study of the nature of the mind. Philosophy is the use of that mind in life. Both are critically important to gain an understanding of as they are aspects of the self. All you do and experience will pass through these gateways of being. The preceding information provides an overview of this self-knowledge, offering points to consider that people often don’t take the time to contemplate. With the choice to gain self-awareness, one can begin to see how their being works. With the wisdom of self-awareness, one has the tools to master their being and life in general, bringing order to chaos through navigating the challenges with the capacity for right action.

– Justin

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