by Justin Deschamps,
Do you feel allowed… to freely feel?
Can you really let the true you come to the surface without causing damage to your job, your relationship, or your social network?
Does the inner you seem more toxic, reactive, and unbalanced than normal? Or have you suppressed your inner nature so much, you feel empty inside?
The psyche as identified by Freud at the turn of the 20th century, was likely a diagnosis of the state of the human condition as a result of suppressed authenticity.
In short, when you have to suppress your true self to gain social status or maintain it, your true self rages, becoming toxic, antagonistic, and aggressive, or plagued by feelings of inadequacy. It works like this, anytime we express ourselves inauthentically, we deny the inner child a chance to connect with another. From the outside, it might look like your connecting with someone, but if it isn’t truly authentic, with all the rawness and realness that comes therefrom, your inner child doesn’t feel like it had a chance to play.
The more inauthentic you are the more distorted and toxic the inner child becomes; the more the need to suppress it increases. Why? Because we don’t have many socially acceptable places in our culture for authenticity anymore. If Joe from accounting talked about his loveless marriage on his lunch break so that his coworkers could overhear him, how many would have a sympathetic reaction? Would Joe not lose status and the opportunities that come from pretending to have it all together?
Book The School of Life: An Emotional Education
“Hi, how are you?” is a phrase we say regularly. If someone authentically answered the question… “I feel terrible. My life is a boring mess, and I don’t know how to fix it”—we’d probably look for the nearest exit unless we were close friends with them. And even if we were friends, we might want to frame their hardship in a way that fits our worldview, belief system, or personal lifestyle choices. “Wait, you’re not a [insert prepackaged victim script]; you’re not allowed to feel that way.”
I would argue, the tools we need to nurture truly, support, and be authentic with each other, so as to be all we were meant to be, have been removed from our culture. Or frankly, I’m not sure we ever had useful tools to work within this regard.
How did it come to this?
In the 18th century, etiquette, as we know it today, was used as a way to separate oneself from the lower classes. A century earlier, the upper class used manners, to show higher status—acting as a kind of behavioral clothing that lets other high-status people know you have social value.
In the 19th century, as part of the Gutenberg revolution, works of fiction began to popularize the style and manners of the elite, creating an aspiring middle class that wanted to appear high status.
Today, the idea of appearing high status by using consumer products, behavior, or social association (showing off your friends to the world) has become the norm. This culture of pretense has all but consumed the culture of authenticity. Although, as history shows, there is always a counterculture to oppose the status quo.
Within this cultural system, the near-infinite spectrum of human experiences was reduced to a handful of socially acceptable ones. For example, one has to pretend or fake togetherness and success to appear normal—even if they don’t actually feel it. Conversely, if one is feeling less than successful, there are only a few “acceptable” victim narratives that gain other’s sympathy. This creates a duality of being, wherein the inner world of authentic feeling, acting, and thinking has to be suppressed to appear polite, nice, and emotionally stable. Or that one has to force their personal and unique life hardship into a prepackaged and popularized victim script. But the reality is, we’re each unique; it’s unjust, cruel, and unfair to force your real life into a false image for others to accept.
In other words, our authentic being has become the enemy of false social connection, wherein the vast majority of us force ourselves into predefined roles that limit and suppress the fullness of who we truly are.
Mass media enhanced the rigidification of human expression and being, by creating even more prepackaged roles and modes of being for us to follow.
When you watch a tv show, movie, or intake the lives of celebrities, you’re being conditioned to think only those roles are acceptable. That is, due to the echo chamber effect, the qualities that mark success and status became calcified, standardized, comercialized, and monetized. Today, you might be an enlightened sage, successful businessman, or royal princess, but if you don’t look like one, no one will know.
Thus, image overshadowed substance, and the average person no longer new how to recognize true emotional strength, real intellectual honesty, or objectively beneficial social status (when someone truly makes the world a better place and earns the respect of their community as a result).
Seemingly more and more, we only have eyes for what we see in mass media. We’ve become more and more blind to the vast ocean of untapped human experience, expression, and virtue hidden by the veil of sensationalized, popularized, and monetized celebrities—who are themselves forced into prepackaged roles at the behest of hidden social engineers.
Book Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World
With the ever-pressing need to appear better than you actually are, or to force your unique hardship into a form others can accept, the authenticity of emotion, of mind, and of being were devalued. A slow and steady purging of integrity swept over the planet, fueled by mass media and the exaltation of celebrities that are presented as the royalty of the modern world. The dignity of being yourself was slowly replaced with the virtues of fake kindness, false strength, and empty joy.
The price of inauthentic being is numbness, as the inner child refuses to feel what the conscious self demands of it. As a result, the disinhibiting (loosening) effects of alcohol, drugs, and cheap sex (intimacy without deep connection) exploded as popular past times. For many, the only way to feel anything has to come through some prepackaged cultural ritual, like going to the movies, dancing in a club, listening to popular music, or binge-watching (feeling through the fictional characters of others).
For those who recognize the thin veneer of authentic being that these activities impart, a turning toward spiritual escapism was tempting, where meditation or psychedelic journey became the only safe harbor of authentic being. This can be the first phase of a return to realness, one day to become social centers of true connection, where the benefits of deep feeling become socially acceptable once more.
For women, some of the only socially acceptable emotions are bubbliness without true cheer, happiness without true joy, and kindness toward all, even in the face of abuse and harm. For men, some of only the socially acceptable emotions were false stoicism, strength of heart despite unprocessed tragedy and hardship, and unwavering confidence regardless of internal emotional states, training in life, or past personal experience. The expectations placed on both the sexes created almost unachievable standards that leave both unfulfilled and disheartened.
Deep down, the inner child of men was sacrificed on the altar of false confidence, success, and togetherness. Deep down, the inner child of women was sacrificed on the altar of false inspiration, beauty, and social nurturing.
In the past 30 years, neo gender roles of immaturity and judgmentalness are pushed via Disney, and mass media. The “mean girl,” entitled, bratty, and overly reactive woman is pushed as the norm; and the “party boy,” coward that dares not make light of immorality, who embraces criminality (thuglife culture), is exalted.
It all starts with the inner child.
As children, we were forced to become civil before we were ready. We had to suppress our true nature, our true self, in favor of a false self, that can be loved and could be shown off to friends, family, and the tribe.
The false self was polite, and did what it was told, regardless of whether it was loved, nurtured, or cared for. The more one suppressed their true nature, the more the authentic inner self (the inner child) would feel deep wounds of abuse, neglect, and trauma.
Forcing someone to be more together than they reasonably are destroys true feeling, thinking, and acting. Sacrificing authenticity on the altar of keeping up with the Joneses or the Kardashians created an ocean of unprocessed emotions, trauma, and tragedies.
But in the quiet places of the world, hidden under the oppression of falseness, true being, feeling, and thinking continued on. The “dark web” or “black market” of authentic being was born, in that instant falsehood was chosen, where true being could be had. This market place is hidden away within the heart and minds of all those who were led, unbeknownst to them, down the halls of inauthenticity. Only some avail themselves of the call to be real, a kind of social crime. Within the heart of every suppressed inner child yearned the desire for true connection. Heros of being rose from the ashes of a once authentic culture, seen sporadically in music, art, science, law, and every theatre of human activity.
The inner child can’t really be suppressed or killed, only locked away in the attic—only hidden under a veil of sleep. But one day, the prince within each of us will come to wake the princess from her slumber.
More and more, the meek of the world, who refuses to slaughter their inner child in the name of the gaining acceptance of a sick and death-obsessed (consumer) culture is growing in strength. The raw, often less refined nature of the suppressed human soul is exploding like a volcano into the collective consciousness. Like a child who has been neglected, this inner child of the collective unconscious is plagued by nightmares and sadness. It needs to feel and process the tragedies, traumas and neglects of the past.
Book The Friendship Cure: Reconnecting in the Modern World
Everyone who dares to feel the hardships of life authentically becomes the hero of the inner child of themselves and the collective.
Thus, to feel, truly, is to become the healer for all, helping to seed the collective unconscious with the very authenticity needed to end the emotional plague.
For every person who dares to feel truly in a public and vulnerable way, ten more feel the spark of true feeling ignite within them. While some might suffer the price of authenticity in a world of fakeness, which is the temporary loss of connection with inauthentic people, a new and grander culture will form from their courageous deeds.
The dead and life-stifling culture of false togetherness and prepackaged victimhood will be consumed by the emotionally brave, intellectually honest, and socially altruistic.
In the end, no force can stop the tide of human consciousness. Those willing to take on the burden of healing the collective inner child of the world will likely become the legendary heroes of a future age, remembered for daring to feel, think, and act as they truly are.
– Justin
The preceding is a Stillness in the Storm original creation. Please share freely.
About The Author
Justin Deschamps has been a truth seeker all his life, studying physics, psychology, law, philosophy, and spirituality, and working to weave these seemingly separate bodies of information into a holistic tapestry of ever expanding knowledge. Justin is a student of all and a teacher to some, sharing what he has discovered with those who are ready and willing to take responsibility for making the world a better place. The goal of his work is to help himself and others become better truth-seekers, and in doing so, form a community of holistically minded individuals capable of creating world healing projects for the benefit of all life—what has been called The Great Work. Check out his project Stillness in the Storm to find some of his work. Follow on Twitter @sitsshow, Facebook Stillness in the Storm, and minds.com.
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This article appeared first on Stillness in the Storm.
This article (A Short History: The Emotional and Intellectual Plague of Suppressed Authenticity (Abandoned Inner Child)… with a Happy Ending) originally appeared on StillnessintheStorm.com and is free and open source. You have permission to share or republish this article in full so long as attribution to the author and stillnessinthestorm.com
Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?
Consciousness is one of the most mysterious phenomena of all time. Scientists, philosophers, and mystics have been searching for the answer to the question, What is Consciousness? for most of human history. In modern times, the spiritual origins of consciousness are being replaced with a materialistic view, that awareness emerges as an additive property of electrical impulses in living things. Despite the fact this theory is assumed to be true, any self-respecting psychologist will tell you we have no idea what consciousness really is. The preceding article discusses consciousness, some of its properties, and possible origins. This is helpful to contemplate because, in the act of trying to understand the mysteries of consciousness, you develop critical thinking skills and stimulate your philosophic muscles, both which are immensely important for almost everything we do in life. Additionally, you’ll develop abstract thinking skills, the ability to explore intangible realities that govern material realms. With the power of an active mind capable of navigating the realities of consciousness, great leaps in personal attainment can be made along with preparing you for the Great Work of making this world a better place.
– Justin
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.
Stillness in the Storm Editor’s note: Did you find a spelling error or grammatical mistake? Send an email to [email protected], with the error and suggested correction, along with the headline and url. Do you think this article needs an update? Or do you just have some feedback? Send us an email at [email protected]. Thank you for reading.
January 31st 2020: Minor adjustments were made to the text of this article to enhance the message and clarify ambiguity.
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Wow Justin. Quite and article. I will have to spend more time with it to see how much I understand (and will I do that?). Authenticity is an interest of mine, true honesty, and just the whole nature of human experience. Steve Beckow, of goldenageofgaia, has written a lot about social conditioning, the conditioned self, etc. And he has written openly and apparently honestly about himself. If we run into each other (isn’t that a strange way of saying it), it would be an interesting conversation to have with you about authenticity and related topics. Thanks for writing this.
I’m so glad you resonate with this. Talking about these topics isn’t easy, as people can become entrenched and identify with their toxic culture. I’d love to have a rich discussion with another deep thinker about this topic
Great piece Justin, thanks for putting words on what I’ve been feeling for a long time! Your conclusion is dead on and it is what I’ve been figuring out lately, that our emotions, if freely allowed to be, can heal ourselves and the world, or as you put it : “Thus, to feel, truly, is to become the healer for all, helping to seed the collective unconscious with the very authenticity needed to end the emotional plague.” Wonderful! I work with children and make it a priority to try to help them understand this, so they don’t make the same mistakes, even though social forces are trying to mold them in this way… Thanks again for your work! P.S. I think there’s a typo in the 3rd paragraph.
Thanks for the correction! I think I got it.
And thank you, truly, for the work you’re doing. We need more people to offer their personal ministry to individuals, as this seems to be the best way to correct the problem at multiple levels of analysis.
Your article is so synchronous!!! I just recently started reading the journals I kept covering the last 35 years of my life (starting in college) because I am wanting to understand the core beliefs I had buried within me that resulted in the reality I manifested (and am still manifesting). And THIS, suppressing authenticity, is what played a huge role! The question becomes — why does one allow this to happen? Obviously, there isn’t much one can do as a child. The task then becomes to figure things out as an adult, if able.
Really awesome article Justin — well done and thank you! The sychronicity of this article reinforces so much concerning the path I am on!
Good for you keeping such records of your internal world. Such writing will be invaluable for posterity trying to make sense of all this.
This article is actually my attempt to poetically present the concepts for ease of reception. I’ve studied the psychology and sociobiological mechanisms at work for 3 years. What I discovered was so disturbing in nature, I needed to find a way to present it that wouldn’t trigger the irrational defenses of the audience.
In short, the reason why this happens is how we are raised. Our parents and the local community within the familial unit “did this to us.” But they aren’t totally to blame because our parents are leaning on their own programming from their parents. The biggest culprit is mass media.
At the heart of it, and what makes it so incendiary, is that ultimately the way we raise our children is what causes these problems. Most parents would be shattered to discover the full truth at work with this, and the ones I’ve spoken to are shaken to their foundations, often rejecting it after the fact to maintain their own piece of mind.
So the story is just getting started. I’ll be releasing more information about this in the coming weeks and months.
Such a great writing. I had kept it in a tab for later, and I’m glad to have read it just right now. I read quite a lot of channelings, and some are great to read and very inspiring, sometimes I need a perspective “from above” to feel refreshed. But this is so grounded, so human, so …dare I say… authentic. I feel you brother, it can be a lonely venture to feel and to be truly. We are in this together. Thanks for being one of those unsung heroes.
There are so many abandoned inner children in this world. I’m sorry for them. But let’s start by acknowledging ours, I have my hands full with mine already, but it is getting healed little by little. Nothing is more painful than not feeling the pain.
Glad you resonate with this. It’s a very deep and touching topic. And as you say, we’re never truly alone. It’s only the illusion, persistently maintained, that can make us feel so separate. But all can be undone in the twinkling of an eye. And often with a little help from our friends.