(Stillness in the Storm Editor) Our emotions and reactions to things in life can often be overwhelming. Despite advances in the modern age, most of humanity still suffers from the trappings of an unmastered mind, never having learned how to manage their being. But there are proven and effective methods of regulating your reactions. Below you’ll learn that you can, in fact, manage your reactions, and in doing so, you’ll finally experience the peace of mind and tranquility of heart that makes life progressively more rewarding and joyful.
Psychologically, there are two states of being that influence our personal experiences: the primary-state and the meta-state.
The primary-state is your prima facie experience, what you feel, think, and sense at a raw level. For example, if you’re sitting on a beach on a warm summer day, the feeling of the wind as it washes over your semi-naked body, the warmth of the sun’s light on your face, the smell of the sea air, and so on, are all components of the primary-state experience. These are physical sensations in the body, as well as the emotions we feel through the body.
The meta-state, using the same scenario, is your abstract opinion or assessment of the primary-state. It is your intellectual appraisal of any given experience, something you decide with varying degrees of conscious awareness. When you think to yourself: “I really enjoy being at the beach today” that appraisal operates in the meta-domain.
Most people aren’t completely aware of the decisions their making from their meta-state, but they make them nonetheless. For instance, when you’re venting to a friend about how horrible your co-worker is, you’re in the act of programming your meta-state to respond to that co-worker in the way you described. Hence, gaining awareness of how you already unwittingly regulate your meta-state is one key step in the process of reclaiming your power back.
The meta-state is regulated by what is called the meta-narrative and influences the characterological reference frame with which you interpret all primary-state experiences and datasets. This is essentially a fancy way of saying that the thing that influences how you feel at any given moment is the meta-state more so than the primary-state.
If you’re not convinced, not to worry. There are several glaring examples that prove the point.
Consider hypnosis.
A hypnotist learns how to influence the subconscious mind using the power of language, specifically via certain vocal cadences, tones, and structured language patterns. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is one variant of hypnosis that focuses specifically on the power of words to influence perception and decision-making. For example, if you hate the smell of potpourri, a hypnotist can induce a trance state that allows them to change your subconscious using vocal commands, specifically the meta-narrative structure wherein you previously defined potpourri as undesirable. When you come out of the trance state, if the suggestions took, you’ll find the smell of potpourri desirable—you’ll enjoy it instead of being repulsed by it.
What happened here?
The information about the potpourri you detect through your sense of smell didn’t change. This means that the primary-state experience of the potpourri remained the same. What changed is the meta-narrative, where you effectively encoded your consciousness to react negatively to the smell of potpourri. The hypnotist manipulated your meta-narrative such that the next time you experienced the smell of potpourri, a positive reaction cascade occurred within the meta-state.
What this proves is that, as was stated earlier, your meta-state is vastly more influential in determining your subjective experience than the actual objective aspects of your experience itself, the primary-state.
Another example to consider is the influence of social groups on subjective biasing—the peer-pressure effect.
Have you ever had the experience of hating a certain food for most of your life, only to spontaneously change that under the influence of social pressure?
It has been consistently demonstrated that most people conform to ingroup preferences when foreknowledge of those preferences exists during a decision-making process. Simply put, if you feel like the people in your social group like something you don’t, you’ll be more likely to change your personal stance to conform with the group. This shift in personal choice, if wholehearted, results in a quick and lasting reorientation of the previous attitude.
What’s happened in this instance is that the meta-narrative was altered such that the thing you previously hated you now enjoy. This was affected because peer-pressure from the social group forced you to make a choice that put your social status seeming at risk, which we’re hardwired to value. Matter of fact, the amygdala, the brain region responsible for regulating threats to our being, fires when we experience social ostracization. This means that we’re biologically conditions to avoid the loss of in-group status, so much so, we’ll even change how we feel about very personal things, such as whether or not we like a type of food.
The preceding examples should hopefully establish in your mind that the meta-state is extremely powerful.
Now consider that most people never learn how to control this critical aspect of their psyche.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is one such method. Auto or self-hypnosis is another.
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Note: As a long time practitioner of various forms of autohypnosis, I can attest to the fact these methods work, with amazing results. That said, these are skills to be developed, not magic bullet solutions that require no forethought. It wasn’t until fairly recently that I realized the methods for self-improvement I’ve been using for years were actually a form of meta-state regulation via autohypnosis. These are the same methods I used to overcome a deeply entrenched drug addiction 15 years ago. I offer this information merely to underscore the effectiveness of claiming dominion over your consciousness and meta-narrative.
What happens when you refuse to control your conscious and regulate the meta-state?
The mind can’t be turned off. Your consciousness never truly stops experiencing sensations in the primary-state and then making judgment calls or evaluations about that data in the meta-state. Thus, if you refuse to control this aspect of your being, it’s effectively like refusing to clean your house—trash and filth builds up until your home becomes a prison of toxic waste. Your consciousness is no different. Refuse to claim this power, and you’ll likely have more neurotic tendencies or out-of-control reactions.
In my analysis, a great deal of organic meta-state regulation takes place in the population. Some of the most inspiring individuals who’ve demonstrated a capacity to improve themselves for the better naturally learned how to regulate their meta-state to some degree.
Learning the mechanics of consciousness, psychology, as well as methods like NLP is certainly very helpful but it isn’t required.
What is required is that you learn to become aware of your personal narrative, the characterological reference frame as I have termed it. In the below-linked article, I outline some tips and information to help in this process of personal discovery.
I am presently writing a book that will explore and describe the psychology, philosophy, and spiritual basis of self-improvement by reclaiming power over your own mind, what I’m calling the ideal self-technique. As part of that method, I employ the use of affirmations, which use language to regulate the subconscious meta-narrative and meta-state.
Here is one affirmation that can be used to improve your disposition with respect to things you’ve previously decided were undesirable. It can make you feel excited and inspired about facing challenges.
As I [insert a description of what you’re doing at the moment you recite the affirmation], I find myself becoming more and more excited and inspired when I think about the challenges I want to face in my life. I notice a growing sense of confidence and joy as I think about everything I want to do. I feel safe and secure in this feeling, knowing that faith in my abilities helps me achieve anything I set my mind to and that this is the only proof I need for unquestioned self-confidence and competence.
I won’t break down all the mechanics behind each of the phrases, as this is a lengthy discussion for another time.
The power of this affirmation comes from your investment in it. You have to truly believe the things you affirm, and say them with conviction. You can’t just mindlessly recite the affirmation to achieve the best results.
I hope that I have helped you realize that you hold inside you the master key for transcendence of almost all personal hardship in life. To be sure, we cannot control others or act like gods to effect sweeping changes in the world. But we can train ourselves to better embrace the challenges of life, developing one of many “superpowers,” such as being cheerful even when all the world around us seems dark and uncertain. For myself, I’ve greatly improved my motivation when performing life tasks. Instead of forcing myself to do these things out of fear or with an attitude of annoyance, I now feel genuine joy.
In essence, I’m trying to convince you that your attitude is completely within your control. And it is this aspect of your being that acts as a shield against all hardship. It even, like a magical bubble, transmutes negativity into positivity.
With this skill in hand, almost any negative experience you can imagine can be transformed into an exciting adventure of personal growth and discovery.
What do you think? What are your methods of regulating your meta-state?
Let us know in the comments!
– Justin
by Elizabeth DeVille, December 20th, 2018
Have you ever noticed that your happiness and satisfaction with your life is contingent upon what you are dealing with at this exact moment in time? Consider the days where all is going well until you receive some hard to hear news causing everything to come crashing down.
It’s a common situation, we all ride the crazy roller coaster of incredible highs and heartbreaking lows in this life. After all, we would never truly appreciate the great times if things were amazing all the time. However, you need to realize that you are not a helpless victim in your life. While there is no way to completely avoid challenges and struggles, you have control over how you choose to react – and that is the key to finding real happiness.
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Far too often we allow ourselves to fall into the trap of trying to control the situations around us or the people that we meet. This is a frustrating act of futility. Why? When it all comes down to it, we are powerless to control anything but ourselves. You can’t change the future, or can you dictate how others are going to respond to life’s situations. So, why would you allow your happiness to ride on your ability to do something impossible? Is that not the very definition of setting yourself up for failure?
Next time that life throws a curve ball in your direction, take a step back and take a look at the situation. Allow yourself to identify the many frustrating, annoying, painful things that are out of your control – situations in life, the future, and the people you have met along the way. Don’t deny the pain the negative emotions that you feel, and definitely don’t bury them away to return and haunt you down the road. Instead, sit with these emotions, feel them, experience them. It is only by embracing negative feelings that you can then let them go, freeing yourself from their toxic hold.
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What does this mean for you? It will free you from the impossible expectations, holding onto the concept that you may be able to control everything around you. It will release you from the guilt you feel about not controlling situations in your past – after all, the past is in the past. Most importantly, it will free you to focus on the things you CAN control.
How are you choosing to respond to life’s challenges? Are you choosing to play the victim, worried more about how you’re being hurt than what you can do to move forward in a positive way? Are you harboring anger and resentment, pointing fingers and spreading pain to those around you? Or, are you choosing to find the silver lining in even the darkest of times?
You can’t control life’s challenges, but you can learn from them. This is your opportunity to become a better, stronger and more capable version of yourself. You can find happiness in even the darkest times, you just have to choose to search for the light…
Buy Book Keep Calm and Breathe
Buy Book Forgiving the Unforgivable: Finding Healing and Hope Through Pain, Loss, or Betrayal
Image via Marc and Angel Hack Life
Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?
The preceding article suggests that it is indeed possible to manage your reactions to things in your experience. This axiom runs counter to what most people think, as they view their reactions as if they are externally imposed, things they can never gain control over. But more truly, we can manage these reactions, via regulation of what’s called the meta-state. This article helps to dispel the false notion that we cannot be in control over our own mind and emotions. By making efforts to regain control over your consciousness, you’ll slowly develop skills in this regard. Eventually, you’ll gain mastery over your being that allows you to have the reactions you want—positive emotions and cheerfulness despite circumstances.
– Justin
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools
Stillness in the Storm Editor’s note: Did you find a spelling error or grammar mistake? Send an email to [email protected], with the error and suggested correction, along with the headline and url. Do you think this article needs an update? Or do you just have some feedback? Send us an email at [email protected]. Thank you for reading.
Source:
https://awarenessact.com/you-dont-have-to-react-to-everything-that-upsets-you/
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