Our Marriage with Humility

(Barbara Whitfield) Taken from Grieving in Gratitude: The Life and Works of Charles Whitfield, MD physician and bestselling author. (e-book to be published on www.charleswhitfield.org)

by Barbara Whitfield, October 18th, 2023

When I think about how writing our book on humility influenced our marriage, many scenes float through my mind. I know I shifted – and Charlie, he was the same Charlie. He knew all about humility and the writing of this “gift” just formalized what he lived for himself, me and the thousands of readers who studied it.

Thinking back, I can honestly write that Charlie never, not once, criticized me. He never snapped at me. He never used sarcasm or teased me. He, like all of us in a physical body had his own human flaws, but he also lived with humility and Unconditional Love.

I had grown up with painful teasing and unpredictable violence. I had grown up with many fears, the first being about being Jewish. I remember being in kindergarten right after WWII, and my mother taking me out of class and we walked home. She pulled down every shade on every window in the house and then drew the curtains closed. We stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity and was probably a week or 10 days. I learned later that news of the concentration camps in Germany had just been revealed and for an unexplainable reason, there were race riots here in the U.S. against the Jews!

Charlie, born Christian, listened to my memories and fears of antisemitism and tried to relate but living it and being told about it are two different things.

I want to write now about one of my best memories with Charlie but as a background I need to write about this:

I had never been overseas. Charlie lived in London for a year on a fellowship awarded to him on hematology. He had traveled all over Europe and even to Russia.

I was invited, all expenses paid, to teach at Findhorn in Northern Scotland. I was ecstatic. I was finally going to cross the Atlantic and explore what was on the other side of the “pond.” Of course, Charlie would accompany me and we would choose something else to do while we were there. I got to pick and I picked an extravagant river cruise with Ama Waterways up the Rhine starting in Switzerland then through France and Germany and ending in Amsterdam.

We were in glorious Findhorn for 12 days. They assigned Liz, a wonderful woman volunteer to be our guide when I wasn’t teaching. We had several dinners at the local pub in the quaint town. No “tele’s” (No televisions.)

Just beer, Fish and Chips and song! Liz took us through the heather on the hills of the outlands, castles, the incredible bay and other nearby quaint towns.

I told the audience of about 100 people, many of whom were dying or had just lost a loved one about my near-death experience and then my research. While there, the board of Findhorn had heard that I had a new book coming out on Medicinal Marijuana (The Secrets of Medicinal Marijuana, Muse House Press.) It seems that many of the people there with terminal illnesses from all over Europe had been prescribed Marijuana but no one had instructed them on how to use it for pain and relaxation. I was asked to do a one-day workshop on this and Charlie joined in teaching this subject for the first time to an audience. (Since cannabis had become legal for some of our patients, we were teaching them too.) I believe this was the first time teaching together since writing The Power of Humility and instead of my usual caution about how we were sharing the “spotlight” I just relaxed and enjoyed us filling in each-others pauses. It was a wonderful day with lots of laughter. (Imagine that with people who were facing their own deaths.)

Marijuana gives us a chance to step out of our own drama and see the humor in life when we don’t take ourselves so seriously. It also gives us the munchies so we continue to eat and live longer from the nourishment. Charlie and I always believed that Medicinal Cannabis is a much better alternative to Big Pharma.

Last time I looked, my and our teaching at Findhorn are still up on the Internet.

On to Switzerland (by way of switching flights in Istanbul Turkey over a terribly uncomfortable night – long story)

The cruise on Ama Waterways was absolutely divine. The food, the wine, the people especially the crew were fantastic. I had never gone through locks before and that was quite an experience of human ingenuity. We got to go into the “room” where they steer the boat and the captain explained how it all worked. We loved learning about something we had known nothing about!

I had been “concerned” to say the least that I was visiting Germany, something I would never have chosen but it was part of this tour so I did it. Charlie knew my concern but didn’t really get it. Yet, nothing bad happened in Germany – but it did in France.

Every day we would tour a quaint town, usually with vineyards and wine tasting. Our French guide that day noted a tower on a bridge as a prison for women back several hundred years. As we stood next to the tower, he talked about a plague that wiped out the prison and noted that the plague was because of the Jews. I asked how he drew that conclusion and he answered that they didn’t get the plague so they had to be responsible for it. The hair on the back of my neck was standing straight up.

I answered, “The Jews knew to wash their hands and their eating utensils with soap and water. That’s why they didn’t get sick! And I am Jewish and I really resent what you just said!”

There was one other Jewish couple on the river cruise who moved next to me in the crowd and I appreciated their gesture. Charlie looked sad and didn’t say anything.

Our last day on the cruise, we awoke to the docking of the ship in Amsterdam. I had signed Charlie and me up for a “Jewish” tour of Amsterdam. The one other Jewish couple on our tour had too. Together, the four of us did a gut wrenching tour, first of the Anne Frank House, then an old synagogue that had to build a tall rock wall around their building so the fighting would be in the courtyard between the wall and the synagogue, not in the sacred building.

Brass plaques set in the cobble stone were everywhere in Amsterdam, in front of apartments and houses — with the names of the Jews who had been dragged out of their homes by the Nazis and never heard from again. And finally we saw the “double” floors in houses where the Jews could be hidden. There was also the Diamond exchange, all Jewish so it was on the tour. I remembered and told Charlie that this and the banking world was all run by Jews for hundreds of years because we weren’t allowed to own land, at least not in Europe. So “we” became the bankers and the diamond dealers.

Charlie and I said our good-byes to the other couple and spent the next four days touring the wonderful art museums of Amsterdam. He finally in a brief instant told me that now that he understood the underlying fear I was raised with and the silent connection all Jews share with the fear that it could happen again!

(As I proof read this writing, I am once again crying. When will we, the human race, realize that we are very much the same and still respect our differences?!)

For me and Charlie this was the trip of a lifetime and a bridge for a deeper understanding of the human condition.

We just hiked up a “mountain” to a beer garden with a group from the river boat.

That’s Heidelberg behind us.

About The Author

Barbara H Whitfield RT

I was a researcher at the University of Connecticut Medical School with psychiatry professor Bruce Greyson (Research Director for The International Association for Near-Death Studies IANDS) Together we researched the after effects of people who have had a Near-Death Experience. I have taught at Rutger’s University’s Institute for Alcohol and Drug Studies School for 12 years. I served on the board and executive board of IANDS. I’m also a past president and board member of the Kundalini Research Network. I’ve been a guest on major television shows including Larry King Live, the Today Show, Man Alive, Donahue, Unsolved Mysteries, PM Magazine, Good Morning America, Oprah, Joan Rivers, Sonya Freeman, CNN Medical News and Alabama Public Television. I was interviewed on the radio by Imus and All Things Considered. I also write books and provide workshops and speaking engagements on topics of recovery, near-death experiences and natural spirituality.

Visit www.barbara-whitfield.com for more of their excellent work. 

Books by Barbara H Whitfield RT and Charles L Whitfield MD

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Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?

Psychology is the study of the nature of mind. Philosophy is the use of that mind in life. Both are critically important to gain an understanding of as they are aspects of the self. All you do and experience will pass through these gateways of being. The preceding information provides an overview of this self-knowledge, offering points to consider that people often don’t take the time to contemplate. With the choice to gain self-awareness, one can begin to see how their being works. With the wisdom of self-awareness, one has the tools to master their being and life in general, bringing order to chaos through navigating the challenges with the capacity for right action.

– Justin

Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.

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