(Stillness in the Storm Editor) Love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, yet it is also greatly misunderstood and misused. The power of love can move mountains, destroy civilizations, miraculously heal the sick, give a mother superhuman strength to save her child, and liberate a mind enslaved by trauma and hardship. Love’s power to rejuvenate, heal, and transform becomes active when we consciously work with this all-encompassing cosmic force.
Psychologically, the things we love, admire, and revere we become open to. When you fall in love with someone, part of you admires them for some quality that you value. Once in love, you feel a strong drive to move closer to the object of your affection. Anyone who’s been in love knows that it changes you; you can’t help but experience profound personal shifts through romantic associations. Even platonic love has the power to change us.
Why does this happen?
When in love, we model ourselves after them, which is the act of learning by emulating or imitating someone we consider high value. For example, a basketball player that recognizes superior skill in one of their fellows will seek to become like the player they admire. This is a standard feature of mammalian psychological development, particularly in highly social animals that often employ K selection evolutionary strategies.
In short, we’re hardwired to change ourselves in the presence of someone or something we admire or love. Arguably one of the most intense experiences of this sort is romantic love—the adventure of pair bonding with another human being in an effort to realize mutual maximum well being and life fulfillment.
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All relationships have the power to change us. Romantic relationships are the most influential because every aspect of your being comes under the influence of your partner. Your inner thoughts, attitudes, impulses, fears, longings, beliefs, and worldviews are all fodder for discussion and contemplation. Given how naked and exposed you are when in a relationship, it stands to reason that the person you place in that high office of the romantic partner had better use those powers wisely and benevolently.
When you’re with your partner, their facial expressions, moods, desires, judgments, and joys all play a role in how you evaluate your own internal state. For example, if you wanted to surprise your partner with a home cooked meal, but they had a bad day at work and they’re just not in the mood to be excited and bubbly, you’ll likely interpret their reaction as a disapproving judgment. You might be less likely to cook them a surprise meal in the future. Conversely, if they were overjoyed by your gesture, you’re more likely to repeat this behavior. In general, even though there’s no overt reason to feel judged, good or bad, by your partner, almost everyone takes things very personally in a romatic partnership.
Why is any of this important?
I wanted to underscore the point that we change through love because this provides the basis to understand why we can fear love.
The quality of your relationship determines how you feel. Clearly, if someone breaches the sacred trust of a relationship, by becoming abusive, passive-aggressive, or overly judgemental, you’ll be less inclined to jump into another relationship in the future.
In assessing relationships on earth, it becomes clear that the vast majority are less than ideal, to put it nicely.
The fact is, we’re not taught in school how powerful romantic partnerships are. We’re encouraged to think, via movies and media in general, that being in a relationship is more about getting your needs met than it is about creating a harmonious, trusting and symbiotic relationship with your partner. We’re shown relationships in movies where partners lie, steal, manipulate, and abuse each other. Yet the story ends with them living happily ever after, suggesting that these behaviors are OK and not a problem when they most definitely are not OK.
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Looking at the status quo from a standard viewpoint, it’s almost impossible to see the problems we face as a species. We assume that how people express themselves in their relationship is none of our business and it’s their personal choice. This is true to a certain extent. But from a lawful perspective of honoring another’s rights and respecting their free will, a much different picture emerges.
In order for a contract to be honorable, each party has to maintain trust by acting in good faith (not having a hidden agenda), exercising honorable and transparent communication (avoiding rash judgments and tactfully speaking the truth), honestly hearing out the other person to ensure your suspicions are valid and truthful (bilateral vs. unilateral communication), and constant discussion about what you both believe and value (to ensure harmony of desires and expression mutually).
With these factors enumerated, you’ll likely recognize that your own relationships are less than perfect.
The science that makes relationships work well is the law, particularly, how two sovereign beings work in trust to express their values while respecting the rights of their fellows. When these principles aren’t guiding the relationship, folly, hardship, abuse, and problems arise.
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The fact is, we were never taught how to use these principles in our relationships to ensure maximum fulfillment. As a result, scores of people suffer the pitfalls of bad relationships.
Almost everyone has a tragic story from their dating history wherein, a partner they thought they could trust misused that trust and caused them a great deal of hardship.
From a spiritual perspective, from a soul mission perspective, your romantic partner is a spiritual cohort. They are here to minister to your spiritual needs so you can grow to your fullest potential and realize your divine mission. In this sense, we’re all spirit guides incarnated in the flesh to help our spiritual brothers and sisters on the path, even as they help us on our path.
I’m asserting, based on all my research and life experience, that this is the fundamental and ultimate reality at work in human life. At the end of the day, the little things you do with your romantic partner, or dream of doing, are the icing on the cake of a much deeper spiritual purpose behind your associations.
Let’s explore what this supposition might mean.
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I would argue it means that the average form of relationships on earth is at odds with their true spiritual purpose. The fundamental philosophy that underpins normal relationships doesn’t acknowledge the personal growth component, they don’t recognize how much we change through love. As a result, people tend to try and cling on to who they are before the relationship starts, which is obviously an unrealistic expectation.
Given all these factors and many more I could list, but won’t in the interest of keeping this writing short, I think there are a lot of reasons people fear love.
Personality transformation and growth can be unsettling. Coming to terms with your mistakes, missteps, and inadequacies can be jarring. And it can feel even worse when it comes from someone we love, especially if that person uses their unique position of the observer on our lives as a tool of manipulation.
We spend the first part of our lives just trying to figure out who we are and settle into that knowledge. Later, as we begin dating, we’re immediately confronted with one of the greatest arenas of personality growth, the hottest crucible where all our impurities rise to the surface—relationships.
In the realms of personal growth, again, we weren’t taught to embrace this reality. No one can truly stay the same over the course of their lives. It’s like trying to swim against the current of a strong river—eventually, you get tired and the water overtakes you as you flail about wildly to regain steady footing. But if you develop a taste for personal change, which is a smart thing to do considering you can’t avoid it even if you wanted to, then things become a lot easier.
Thus, the solution to fear of love is firstly to embrace a life of growth and change. Seek out these changes. Ask yourself “What opportunities for growth will I experience today?” Strive to constantly open the cup of your mind to receive the wisdom you need to be the best version of who you are.
Then, once you embrace this fundamental life truth, work to retune your mind to what a relationship truly is. Realize that in relationships, you’ll be challenged to be your best. You’ll be standing in front of the cosmic mirror under a light that reveals all your imperfections. Realize that this is a blessing so that you can do the inner work needed to address these imperfections, making yourself more perfect in the process.
In the end, whether or not we embrace these truths about growth and relationships doesn’t matter. You don’t have to. But if you do, the benefits to your life and the life of your loved ones are unparalleled.
Imagine if you could learn how to be a perfect trusting minister and spiritual guide for your fellows? How much good in the world could you do? How positively would you impact the lives of those around you? Do you think, in the act of revealing this spiritual character to your fellows, they might be inspired to model your behavior in their own lives?
The wisdom of truth, beauty, and goodness is always within our grasp. Doing so challenges us to let go of the old and imperfect ideals of the past to claim the new and grander ideals of the future.
– Justin
by Gerald Sinclair, December 19th, 2018
Love is something just about everyone wants but most people are quite terrified of. Whether we are aware of our fear or not, it is usually quite present.
People fear love for a wide range of reasons. Falling in love comes with a lot of risks and considering how painful heartbreak is, isn’t always going to be something people are open to giving a chance. There is no way to avoid the link between love and fear.
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In this world, there are tons of people who just don’t know what they want or who are too willing to hurt others for seemingly no reason. This forces many of us to close ourselves off to the whole concept of love itself. Sure, love is worth taking that leap into the unknown but when things don’t work out it feels like the whole world is crashing down and that is something we as human beings are not always able to handle.
Below I am going to go over some reasons why people tend to fear love. While some will make sense others might not depending on how you see things. We are all different and love to me might not be the same as love to you.
10 Reasons Why Most People Tend To Fear Love:
1. They are afraid of being abandoned.
People who fear love sometimes tend to be afraid of being abandoned. They might not necessarily be afraid of the love itself but more-so the idea of the person they love leaving them. When someone we care for leaves us it can be devastating.
2. They don’t want to risk loving someone more than they are loved in return.
People who fear love sometimes are afraid of falling in love because they don’t want to risk loving someone more than they love them. They don’t like one-sided love and couldn’t handle it if things were not equal. They want fairy tale love and are not willing to settle for anything less.
3. They worry too much about the future.
People who fear love sometimes tend to worry too much about the future and make things seem much worse than they are. They obsess over what might be and end up ruining what could be. This is far more common than you’d think.
4. They don’t want to open up.
People who fear love are sometimes terrified of showing their vulnerable side to others. They don’t want to open up and let people in. They feel like if they open up the person they love will not be interested in them anymore.
5. They don’t want to be tied down.
People who fear love are sometimes scared of letting go of their freedom. They don’t want to be tied down and are afraid of the future. They don’t know what could end up happening in general and are more comfortable being on their own.
6. They’re scared that they might end up in a toxic situation.
People who fear love are sometimes scared of finding love with the wrong person. Toxic situations are much more common than most people realize and so the idea of loving someone who is going to hurt them is terrifying. This kind of fear is even more intense if they’ve been through it before or seen it firsthand.
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7. Love is scary in general.
People who fear love know how scary love is in general. Love is being vulnerable on all levels with someone else and accepting each other no matter what. It is an extreme thing that a lot of people do not even understand.
8. They don’t think they are worthy of love.
People who fear love are sometimes not secure in themselves. They don’t think they deserve love or are worthy. They don’t want to let it happen because they don’t think they’ve done enough to achieve it.
9. They are afraid of letting down those closest to them.
People who fear love are often scared of letting down the people closest to them. What if they fall for someone their family doesn’t approve of? Well, to be honest, as long as you’re with someone who treats you well the opinion of others shouldn’t matter.
10. They don’t like to allow the past to come back up.
People who fear love don’t like to let the past come back up. They have been through a lot already and the idea of being in love again brings back emotions that hurt them. They avoid love because they don’t want to bring things back up that they’ve bottled away.
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools
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Source:
https://awarenessact.com/10-reasons-why-most-people-tend-to-fear-love/
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