(Stillness in the Storm Editor) Impatience is the tendency to become irritated or annoyed by life situations where you’re expectations or needs aren’t being met in the way you expect. I would argue, it’s a state of mind centered around resistance to reality due to the belief that you can get what you want without understanding the reality of how it comes about. Sometimes this isn’t our fault, as we simply don’t understand what’s going on. At other times, we willfully refuse to gain that understanding, ensuring we’ll be impatient later.
It’s understandable that human beings can become impatient.
As children, our needs are met without us having to understand why or how. This mindset works as children, but as we grow up, it can create a disempowering relationship with reality—that you can be ignorant of causality and still have a fulfilling life.
Culturally, we’re ideally supposed to be initiated into adulthood, wherein this child-like relationship with reality is replaced with a more humble and realistic view. Namely, causality can’t be ignored. Everyone has to contend with objective reality, meaning, if you want something, it’s your job to work with reality to get it. And if you aren’t getting what you want, then it’s either because your desire isn’t realistic or attainable at the moment or it’s because your expectations aren’t in harmony with reality.
Believe me, I know how harsh that might sound. But that seems to be the most honest way to think about the situation.
In my analysis of the causes of human suffering, one of the most sweeping and impactful is the resistance to reality problem.
I would argue that modern-day culture, centered on convenience, ease, and ignorance of logistical realities (causality), has created a culture of infantile thinking, wherein whole portions of the population demand results and don’t care to understand how those results come about.
The following article discusses some psychology around impatience and what we can do to fix the situation.
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I would say, the core issue with impatience is our resistance to changing how we see the world.
As creatures, we’re hardwired to see the world as tools or obstacles.
Tools are things we need to get what we want. Obstacles are things that get in the way of us using the tools we know we can use. This means, at a deep level, your understanding of how to get the things you want shapes your view of the world. When you assume you can get what you want in an ignorant careless way, then this creates an unrealistic expectation that leads to impatience—disappointment with reality.
A good way to understand this is in relationships. Consider implied agreements and expectations forming as a result of beneficial performance coming from a friend or romantic partner.
Let’s say you and your friend decided to carpool to work. Let’s say, without asking, your friend out of the kindness of their heart buys you coffee while at the cafe, just before coming to pick you up. You obviously appreciate what they did. Let’s say they do this for you for a week. You start to get used to it. You start to expect it. But one day, your friend has a fight with their roommate and gets depressed. Now for a week, your friend isn’t coming to pick you up with a coffee, like you’ve grown to expect. You find yourself feeling impatient with your friend.
At this moment, you might feel unloved. You’ll feel a disappointment not having what you’ve grown to expect. Most people will recognize that your friend doesn’t have an obligation to buy you coffee. But nevertheless, you can’t help but feel a bit disappointed. And this dissatisfaction, combined with recognizing you don’t really have a right to demand your friend buy you coffee, might trigger an impatience reaction.
This example was rather simple, but the principle holds true.
We’re creatures that form habits that guide our behavior and expectations in life. When we receive a benefit, we tend to expect it will be there so we can rely on it. Expectations in this sense are our attempt to gain security about our needs so we can not feel stressed. When it isn’t there, this is an opportunity to be humble, so as to comprehend what we can proactively do to gain the benefits we want.
Ultimately, I would argue, impatience can also be thought of as a person’s attempt to gain control over the things they value in life but through an unmastered comprehension of how to do so. Thus, the core desire is real and should be nurtured while the method of realizing it needs to be corrected. Why? Because expecting things from people or reality wherein consent hasn’t been gained is dishonorable and disrespectful, leading to personal resentment and social upheaval. Yes, a display of impatience might get what you want from someone, but it comes at the price of their free will and dignity.
In the above example, the resources needed by our friend to buy us the coffee was feeling inspired and in a good mood. The fight with the roommate undermined this resource, thereby preventing the friend from performing as was expected. The opportunity here is to discuss with the friend what’s happening with the goal of seeking to cooperate with them to meet your needs along with theirs—a mutual trust for the beneficial fulfillment of all involved. Of course, this requires learning how to negotiate with others in a respectful way, wherein the reason they are doing something that benefits you is that they’ve been persuaded that it is the best for all, as opposed to using threats of emotional badgering or intimidation to force another to do our will.
Since impatience is a reflection of a mind that has, at some level, refused to accept or be open to the truth about a situation, the solution is to gain knowledge.
In this regard, changing our expectations means changing the trust we have with reality so as to get the things we need in life. This is an internal shift of being open to gain better knowledge while also being an external shift wherein we work with our new understanding to build systems of trust that give us what we need. This often means you will change yourself in the process of changing your expectations. As such, the self-work required to manage impatience can often feel a bit intense, as if you’re sacrificing a part of yourself.
That’s true. You’re sacrificing your old inaccurate unrealistic ways of seeing things, along with the identity that was founded thereon.
As such, I would argue that if you have any symptoms of impatience at all, which almost everyone does, then there is some part of you that is resisting change and growth. Some part of you wants to stay immature so you can get what you want without worrying about how. Don’t beat yourself up; everyone has some measure of this it seems. As such, take care in being kind with yourself as the self-work proceeds.
Frankly, when I’m feeling impatience, the last thing I want to do is go within, get humble, and let go of how I’m seeing the situation. But in my experience, if I don’t let go of this child-like resistance to reality, I’ll maintain a victim mindset that only makes my feelings of frustration even worse.
In closing, I’ll share life wisdom I learned from studying successful people and heroes throughout history.
Life is unfair. The sooner you accept the reality of your unfair situation, the sooner you can be in the right state of mind to do something inspiring about it. The most successful people in life accepted reality as is and worked within that to realize the life they wanted.
Of course, this is easier said than done. And I’ll be upfront in saying I’m hardly a master at this. But as I’ve tested this truism over the years, it continues to prove itself in life.
I’m reminded of this prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
I think you’ll agree, the cure to impatience is locked within this statement from religious thought.
– Justin
(Exploring Your Mind) Impatience makes you rush through life, frustrated, angry and unhappy. Although it isn’t easy to get along with an impatient person, there are some strategies that can help you.
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by Staff Writer, October 23rd, 2019
Impatient people are everywhere. You know the ones. They’re constantly frustrated, and nothing satisfies them. When they’re happy, their happiness is short-lived and laced with anxiety. In the next instant, they need more. Few things feed negative emotions or make it so difficult to get along with someone like impatience.
Most of us know someone like this. Or maybe you have an impatient temperament that’s difficult to control. But what does living this way do to you? What are the emotional and psychological side effects of impatience?
First of all, living this way leads to serious stress and anxiety. British writer John Ruskin said that hope stops being joyful when it’s accompanied by impatience. Thus, impatience limits your well-being and makes it hard to get along with other people. If you learn to manage it, you’ll be a more peaceful, patient, and centered person.
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Impatient people and their constant frustration
Some people believe that impatience is on the rise, especially among young people. Nowadays, children and teenagers have a very low tolerance for frustration. They need instant gratification, “likes” on their photos, and constant positive social reinforcement.
The problem, however, is more complex than just social media addiction. For example, a study from the National University of Singapore analyzed a group of over a thousand students and yielded some very interesting results. Dr. Xin Zhang, co-author of the study, indicated that there’s a relationship between impatience and cognitive and social incompetence.
Impatient people are impulsive, act without thinking, and are incapable of enjoying the here and now. They also tend to pass judgment very quickly. Impatient people don’t think much about the information they receive because they have a short attention span and are reticent to changing their minds. When you’re always in a rush, there’s no time to consider other perspectives and learn from them.
Impatient people also tend to have more relationship problems. They’re difficult to get along with. When they want something, they want it now. They don’t have the respect, understanding, and emotional intimacy that’s needed to connect with others.
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Impatience isn’t simply a lack of patience, it’s a lack of education
At its core, impatience is a learned behavior. Your culture, context, and upbringing determine how patient you are. Parents often fail at teaching their children to wait patiently and accept the anxiety of not getting instant gratification.
Instead of waiting patiently, you lose your mind when the Internet connection is slow or when someone doesn’t respond immediately to your text… Patience has to be taught at home and at school. However, each individual is responsible for practicing it every day, even as society tries to push you along at 200 mph.
Tips for controlling impatience
You can turn your impatience into patience if you learn how to control your emotions and immediate impulses. To do that, reflect on the following questions:
- When do I get impatient? What’s the usual context? It’s worth stopping to analyze these situations that get out of hand and wake up your inpatient side. For many people, driving makes them impatient. For other people, trying to raise a challenging child or teenager or even just generally trying to get along with people.
- What triggers it? The second step is to identify the triggers. Here are some examples: “I get impatient when my son takes forever to get up in the morning to go to school”, “I feel really impatient when I’m in a traffic jam”, or “I can’t stand to wait for test results, it puts me in a bad mood”.
- What do you do to deal with impatience? Try to be aware of whether or not you use some strategies to control your impatience. Are they enough?
- Apply a rational focus. A useful strategy to deal with impatience is to work through the problem with your rational mind. For example, if you get anxious when your teenage son seems unconcerned about his responsibilities, try to avoid getting mad at him. After all, being in a bad mood will only make things worse. Instead, talk to him in a patient way and reason with him so you can come to an agreement.
- Mindfulness. Lastly, it’s a good idea to look into strategies such as mindfulness because they can be incredibly useful for calming an impatient mind. They also help with attention and emotional management.
In conclusion, it’s clear that impatient people will always exist. In certain circumstances, everyone has the potential to behave impatiently. Nevertheless, you should use the proper strategies and means to train your mind to stay calm. It’ll greatly improve your quality of life.
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Stillness in the Storm Editor: Why did we post this?
Psychology is the study of the nature of mind. Philosophy is the use of that mind in life. Both are critically important to gain an understanding of as they are aspects of the self. All you do and experience will pass through these gateways of being. The preceding information provides an overview of this self-knowledge, offering points to consider that people often don’t take the time to contemplate. With the choice to gain self-awareness, one can begin to see how their being works. With the wisdom of self-awareness, one has the tools to master their being and life in general, bringing order to chaos through navigating the challenges with the capacity for right action.
– Justin
Not sure how to make sense of this? Want to learn how to discern like a pro? Read this essential guide to discernment, analysis of claims, and understanding the truth in a world of deception: 4 Key Steps of Discernment – Advanced Truth-Seeking Tools.
Stillness in the Storm Editor’s note: Did you find a spelling error or grammatical mistake? Send an email to [email protected], with the error and suggested correction, along with the headline and url. Do you think this article needs an update? Or do you just have some feedback? Send us an email at [email protected]. Thank you for reading.
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