Another Fantastic Post by Crystal; she has a wonderful grasp of deep truths about our experience.
Communication is integral to all aspects of our reality. The microcosm always communicates and exchanges energy with the macro; and visa versa. As above so Below. And as such, the Universe of Relationships – U and I Verse – also requires transparent communication in order to reach their full potential.
This post wonderfully expresses the principle of Loving communication, over fear. That does not mean resting on half truths and ungrounded assumptions, it means the TRUE love concept, asking hard questions (if need be) and being willing to seek the whole truth, even if it means a little conflict with your partner. Relationships are one of the most powerful forms of expression we have in our reality, and once you acknowledge the principle of communication fully, then you can begin the great work of Self Mastery which it naturally leads to.
I’d like to start this one out with an article I read a few weeks ago from the SoulSeeds Blog that fits this topic perfectly:
Miss and Mister Communication
November 20th, 2013
At the same time Bill is thinking, ‘6 months??? Whoah, I am way overdue for an oil change.’
Bill is thinking ‘I need to get them to look at the transmission again. It’s still not working right.
Jane’s thinking ‘maybe I’m just being idealistic. Am I waiting for some knight to come riding in on a white horse and I’ve got this perfectly good man sitting next to me.’ She breaks the silence.
“Bill”, Jane says. “What?” says Bill.
“I know there is no white horse.”
Bill says “okay?”
Jane says, “I just think I need more time.”
Bill thinks long and hard about this statement, suspects he has walked into a trap and after a long pause, says “I understand.”
Jane reaches over and touches him and says “Thank you. You are a wonderful and sensitive man.”
Bill is as relieved as a man could be and drives Jane back to her place. She lies on her bed and sobs all night. Bill in the meantime goes back to his apartment and opens a bag of Doritos and watches television. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that something monumental happened in the car. But he suspects that he will never make any sense of it so he decides not to try. The next day Jane calls her best girlfriend and they spend hours together going over every detail, every word, every silence, every gesture of the conversation.
Meanwhile, Bill plays racquetball with a mutual friend of his and Jane’s. As he is about to serve, he pauses, and says to the friend – “Norm, did Jane ever own a horse?”
This is funny, but such a common scenario! When we get this comfortable with a person, it is way too easy to make assumptions about their thoughts or actions. I hope it’s pretty obvious at this point where the problem lies here, and a good way to avoid this is to ask them. We need to tell them what we meant, and ask what they meant if any steady or authentic connecting is going to happen. There are some subtle distinctions between honest communication and transparency in general, though they do overlap in many ways. One difference is between the transparency in revealing your whole soul’s truth and the reality of your personal Earth experience, and communicating the emotions you feel openly moment to moment. Of course we use discernment for the latter, but do express honestly the things we deem important to bring up. The former, however, I think is vital. But the main thing is making sure the other person has an accurate portrait of your standing, and being aware and alert to illusions they might be carrying based upon not only their prior ideas, but your not setting them onto a more comfortable and accurate trajectory of your intentions. At the same time, it is important to ask as much as reveal, so that we don’t end up in the same boat courting fallacies about them.
By nature of our personal perception, we cannot often help projecting ourselves onto the other. We might expect them to react the same way we do about certain things, and sometimes become alarmed when they don’t, right? But we only know the world through our own eyes, and the way we dissect and interpret situations almost always harkens back to experiences we’ve already had to which we’ve assigned definitions and created neurological wiring. We get one “piece” from the other, and fill in all the rest with bits of our past and our hopes on the tree branch we’ve already grown based upon earlier experiences with a similar thing. We tend to build a picture in our minds with all of the collected data, completely forgetting about actually asking the person where they’re coming from with what they are showing us, and making sure that it actually fits this picture (in many cases, we get some data we’d never thought of!). This also brings up idealistic notions we’re clinging to as we take the one bit of evidence to confirm or deny them. Sometimes we don’t bother gauging whether the actions were really relevant to this picture or not. It has been my experience that the more openly and fluidly we can communicate (and not just speak, but communicate), the more the relationship can nestle into its true, honest form.
The other side of this coin has us expecting that the other knows exactly what we are thinking or feeling. We know ourselves so well, everything we do makes sense to us! We have the whole picture, and we can put it together internally, and in the process forget that the other person only has their full picture. So, it’s helpful to be diligent in keeping our awareness of this and never assuming they just know what we mean or how we feel. And this does not just pertain to expressing discomfort or the murky shadows of our being, but also expressing the love that we feel for them. I think it is equally important to communicate our happiness in the relationship whenever we’re moved to. Would you ever need reassurance from another if they continually expressed things to you? I think this allows us to relax into a comfortable flow virtually bereft of internal questioning.
When we first meet someone, there is a period where we are deciding how much of ourselves we are willing to reveal. We are choosing whether we want to be revealing most of ourselves or some of ourselves, but it is beneficial to show it all, the nitty-gritty. But really, don’t take my word for it. All I can really do is speak to what I’ve experienced, and it seems to me that the better we can paint a portrait of who we are to someone, the better they are able to empathize with us and understand the motivations behind our behavior. This often takes time as we decide whether this is even a person we want knowing us so intimately. I am more inclined to reveal all to everyone, but I understand that many people are not comfortable with this level of transparency as often times we are fearing judgment. Whatever you wish to reveal, perhaps try being as clear as possible. There is nothing to be feared with honesty, but there can often be lingering fear when we are consciously hesitant and reserved. This can be because there exists the possibility of being “found out” if we are with particularly psychologically and energetically astute people! I ask myself, would I rather be “found out” or “lay it all out”?
Communication really can take a lot of courage in the 3d world. The only reason we feel we need courage is because we are so afraid of judgement. This fear is exactly what keeps us from being transparent in the first place. Once you fully understand the concept of the mirrors, you see that you are only talking to yourself in the first place. You’re gazing upon your own face. Communication with our partner(s) also helps us clarify things within ourselves, as much as it helps them to better understand/accept who we really are. Sometimes there are subconscious motivations underlying our actions, or things that are bothering us unrelated to the point of contention. Have you ever gotten upset about the kitchen being a mess, when you were really upset about the fact they were late for dinner? If we are self-aware, we can recognize this and express the truth behind the action rather than letting our partner interpret it for themselves with erroneous data.
I think it is particularly helpful to express all emotions deemed important clearly and honestly, even if they are embarrassing or bring up feelings of weakness or vulnerability. Other times, we might be well aware that what we have to share will trigger the other person in some way. Living in 5d can be quite different than 3d and sometimes it seems necessary to lie to 3d people on certain occasions, but is this really necessary? This is not transparency, and is basically rooted in an assumption that nobody will understand or accept your real reasons for doing things. Now, in lighter situations, you might not want to tell your supervisor that you’re not coming in today because you’re following your highest excitement. I think a white lie is okay in these instances of 3d life until we all get up to speed, but if the person is somebody that you are wanting to keep in your life and deepen and extend your relationship with, you are doing them no favors by preventing them from seeing who you really are. And of course we know 3d people lie to each other all the time for this fearful reason, but in 5d we are empowered and want to be exactly who we truly are without argument or anxiety.
Transparency is a relatively new concept for most of us. We have been taught for so long not to accept ourselves that there seems to always remain portions that are kept hidden. Parts that we have been taught to be ashamed of or simply aspects of karma which trigger others that we prefer to hide or suppress for the sake of peace-keeping. Of course it can take a very long time to be comfortable enough revealing certain things, but they will rise to the surface. This is guaranteed, especially in these times, if deep soul relationships are what you’re seeking. All of it, all the dirt, needs to come up for review and refinement so that we can discard the beliefs that were given to us through indoctrination, and replace them with our deliberate intention. In a polyamorous situation, communication is very key because there’s more than just one person to whom we are having to relate. There’s two, maybe three or four different people we are needing to intimately know, and there is no intimacy where there is deception. I use the word “deception” cautiously because I do not mean to imply that there is any malice present when we are not readily forthcoming. There are a myriad of reasons why somebody wouldn’t feel comfortable spilling their guts to a “perfect stranger” as we say, but when a bond is undeniably present, it’s time to trust that enough to access the empowerment necessary to reveal your depths.
Try non-censorship today in at least one personal situation, and see if the reaction you get was really as scary as you’d feared! 😉